Forgiveness

I thought I had already achieve that level that I already let go and forget the past

I did learned lessons
I thought I was okay
Yet the wounds seems haven't being healed completely
It's been okay
But still ...
I did feel my heart stirs up
Feel like squeezing itself all the time when the same thing comes to me again
Less pain does not mean no pain aaa

And deep inside my heart
still, blaming
Blaming for everything that happened
Although through my tongue I had said that I know that's God purpose for me
Ya, Maybe I do know
But still not fully understand why did that happened

Yes, perhaps I still wouldn't let go
still holding on that small part of hurts and grudges in my heart
TT
I don't know what to do
Let time washes everything away?
Time is the best medicine?
But even after such a long while many things happened things changed so much
There's still no much change

Saying is useless
Without your heart actually follows
God, I pray that i can really let go
Before judging whose right or wrong, i hope to really put that hatred down
I want my heart to forgive everything
And.... Forget if possible lol

For one simple reason
a happier life and back to myself again.

Have said this many times but not really have that strong desire to do that
But I hope this time is not going to be the same again