Hahahahahha

The same thing happened again! Jie er!!
Haha
Jie er just like the car key incident
It feels so amazing!!!!

I was praying about forgiveness yesterday
Feeling quite... Desperate

Then today! Night time our topic was actually peacemaker
Not really knowing what's that

It's about conflict and how to solve that best
Seems unrelated but somehow it actually answered all my prayers last night!!

Especially the forgiveness part!
It was damn good
No lah actually very touching
Like pastor Sebastian, what she said was very close to my heart's desire
There's a few videos she showed and is really touching
So touching that I secretly liu lei

Heart stricken !!!!

and really feel so thankful
For what I learned today
For HE answered my prayer so fast
Thankful
And glad to know how to make that (true forgiveness) happened
Know what's the real forgiving heart
It actually sounds quite impossible to do that, to accomplish that successfully, okay by own strength la
Have to be really that GENEROUS lo
Such impossible

But in God, nothing is impossible.

Maybe someday when I m in home I will share that last wonderful video
About forgiveness

And now I felt so happy to know that conflict is going to come to an end since I had found the way!!!!!!
it haunted for so many years and finally!!!
as true forgiveness stops grudges, hatred, complains, and pretense to..you.. Ya such torture
Hahahahaha yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XD !!!!! Coming to A big full stop.

Forgiveness

I thought I had already achieve that level that I already let go and forget the past

I did learned lessons
I thought I was okay
Yet the wounds seems haven't being healed completely
It's been okay
But still ...
I did feel my heart stirs up
Feel like squeezing itself all the time when the same thing comes to me again
Less pain does not mean no pain aaa

And deep inside my heart
still, blaming
Blaming for everything that happened
Although through my tongue I had said that I know that's God purpose for me
Ya, Maybe I do know
But still not fully understand why did that happened

Yes, perhaps I still wouldn't let go
still holding on that small part of hurts and grudges in my heart
TT
I don't know what to do
Let time washes everything away?
Time is the best medicine?
But even after such a long while many things happened things changed so much
There's still no much change

Saying is useless
Without your heart actually follows
God, I pray that i can really let go
Before judging whose right or wrong, i hope to really put that hatred down
I want my heart to forgive everything
And.... Forget if possible lol

For one simple reason
a happier life and back to myself again.

Have said this many times but not really have that strong desire to do that
But I hope this time is not going to be the same again

Hide and seek or never seek

Being honest to yourselfb and  that Brings real joy :D

I found myself to concentrate too much on how others might think of me
That sometimes somehow I am not myself anymore TT
Or maybe fear to show the real side of myself
Fear to displease someone
Fear to disappoint some
Sometimes what I did is just wanting to please people
Or perhaps afraid to lose someone
Maybe the biggest fear might be.. betrayal
==

And hiding can be so damn tiring
Worn out
Pretend to be fine
Pretend to be like a shield
刀枪不入
Argh
After esp camp I had a little better improvement though!!

We had known each other for five years and I remembered that day u told me
We have known each other for so long but I never really heard anything happened relate to u

Ya lo
Why ah
I don't know if this is a good thing or not
Am I too protective for my heart ah?!
And i think That leads me to be someone like that...

But
Thanks to esp la
No la actually is God hahahahha

If not I won't dare to post what I am  thinking right now

U can see my old blog style a word skip a word hahaha I don't even understand it now
Even I read back my diaries it was awful ==
U know the moment u have noone else to tell so u wrote it in your diary but u still have to hide this hide that because of insecurity
Sometimes I can feel I wasn't writing with my heart, I didn't mean what I wrote
just wrote it with my hand!

Actually after the camp I think I need to let go of this hiding habit
i wonder What am I hiding at all the times?!!!!!!
My own fears bah!!

And I find it could be really happy to have a place to express out without worrying anyone will read it
Because that doesn't matter much to me anymore
Or maybe still matters but not that important anymore lo !

In order to overcome fear
You need courage
Where does courage comes from?

God!

Have faith and be confident!

Goodnight!!!!

PTI

I am going to PTI!!!!

Eventually my heart has prepared to leave my sweet home for six weeks already!
Six weeks leh!!!!
I have never leave pontian for so long!!
Even if we went overseas we just left home for two weeks TT

I don't know if I am going to miss home TT

My mum said I won't haha
Except when I am thirsty or hungry
Then I will miss her
Haha

Erm
My life has been not going on the path recently
I think the problem is on myself ya
Too lazy and being too proud again
= ="
Too proud to think I can handle things on my own
And too lazy to even want to make a change
I am following my mood too much
Ya I am always not a disciplined person I know

Just like going back to the old self
ESP new me is eventually fading off~~~~~

And now I hope this PTI will be a good guide for me to back to the right route
One of the thing I hope I can be transform through PTI

Second!
I hope I can gain a lot knowledge through the lessons there
To understand more of His word
To have stronger faith
To have a closer relationship with Him
And LOVE
Know how much more He love us
And how I shall love back

And
I hope my questions in my heart will be answered there
Hope to be more confident in myself

And one more thing very important one!
I hope there's no pretense in me when i am there
Not going to please anybody
Not going to hide myself because of fear
Just be who I am
So that I can be corrected
So that a new, passionate, warm and  sincere heart can be reform there!

End of saying My expectations haha

Erm but Seriously
Got something I don't like is that
I hate sharing!
maybe because I don't know how to express my thoughts and I often found myself saying things which was just typical
Like I copied the speech or thoughts from somebody else and maybe express or evaluate the same thing out again
Which wasn't even my own thoughts
TT
Maybe because I know what I think was wrong so I made use of others words to make up of my own sharing
That's lying I know TT
So most of the time I would rather keep quiet...quiet....quiet....
Silence is gold~

Ya hope this silly little problem of mine can be changed too
:D

That's all,
Really damn lots stuff to pack!!!!
Got a little excited for it hahahaa
Is good to start with a little excitement!
Then i know eventually it will grow into great surprises!

Goodnight !

In Singapore

Doing things on my own like that is really a new achievement for me!!

像很独立这样 哈哈哈哈

Yay!!!!

With sissss!

My stomach really.....

Argh

Changed and change

因为害怕变化   所以都不敢很真心很珍惜

因为变化 会间接受伤  所以冷漠?

Many changes are going to happen or is happening during this stage
Adolescent to adulthood

Physically and mentally
Is good but..
sincerity is getting harder to find

So maybe ten years later
Or No need so long
Five years bah
Will your laughter still be the same?
Will you still tell me the truth without pleasing me again?
Will you still be nice to me even if I have nothing beneficial for u?
Will you still smile at me from the bottom of your heart?

Will the answers be..No?

Because I can sense things started to change already since we left school
:(

I know we are stepping into a dog-eat-dog world arghh
Coming to understand more and more about this big big world
Where many things could happen

I don't know if this is a part of growing up
To compromise with the realistically  world
Maybe for a lot of people... For u.. is a ..yes?
:(

Hmm don't say people la
What about me?

Hmm I don't know what I will be like
in the future as well
But I hope I can still be with God church and all that is good with the rest of my life
To have wisdom in differentiating good and evil
To stand firmly on what is right

But is difficult la I know
Because temptations is out there
Searching for victims
And Hearing stories since young from both of my very big sisters (haha) make me know that it could be nearly impossible with our own strength

Maybe without God's presence is really hard lo

Okay la
These are uncertainty
Who knows the future?
Maybe just to prepare my heart to kmow what is going to happen next

So close with a nice quote which I saw yesterday:

''May God grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference. ''

I need these..
And so sorry for the first line in this posting
I will try to change
To have the courage to change the thing I can as well

Happy Sunday!

conquerer

Today , Valerie, we believe God wants to know that ...

you can conquer your fears.

When fear is holding you back, don't give up. 

Even the bravest people feel afraid. 

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the will to go on in spite of it.

I dont really know who created this apps in facebook

but...

I couldn't help to feel amazed by this

one moment before I was still thinking something related to this

and the next moment I clicked into the apps.. I got what I need..!!!!!!!!!!!!

abit touched lol ... TT

YA

I am scared

worrying.......

a lot of 'what if...' appears in my head

/.\

yes I am afraid..

afraid of the different possibilities

afraid of the eyes, the thoughts, the heart 

and scared of all the rejections

:(

I found out fear might hold back your joy

and..

I forgot my dear dear God..

He conquered the grave!

oh..

Father,

what should I do without You? hmm?

恭喜恭喜

THANKS GOD!

AHAHA
i love the warm feeling when everybody is around
although some of the old teensss may not think this gathering is important
argh......

anw
i love family gatherings!!
ignore those who didn't turn up.. erm not their fault also laa

gathering
it's something cannot missed in chinese new year mahh!

this year, most of my mum's side relatives came to my house
and it really make a difference for this chinese new year

ahahahha :D

few days before i was still damn sad because both of my sis didnt come home for this new year eve
TT
and the tuan yuan fan was like ..... kind of LONELY
:'(
How i admired those who have every family member home to eat together
that day la

nearly cried on da nian chu yi
!!!!
so silly = =

luckily I went out with my fellow friends!!
and the next day my relatives came!!!!!

ahahhaa
we had a lot of fun :D although all small small kids but so cute ma
adorable !!!!
We had 25 people going here and there!! hahaha

xD
they just went back
and I love to have them around :D
yay!

and ya,
What's the most important thing in this festival?

not new clothes, new shoes, new bags
not ang pau (but second important hehe)
not win money
not play firecrackers
but ....
Family Reunion !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

I hope ten years later,
no matter ah gong ah ma still around or not
we still can keep in touch
and continue this wonderful tradition of our family :D


song of the day:
"the more we get together , together, together
the more we get together
the happier will be ~"

xDDDDD