Hi!
I am back from the camp!! First camp that I just went without really knowing anyone there
hahaha
but the people in my group are really quite nice aaa
got Candice, Sandra, Valerie(Yes Singapore have so much ValerieSSSSSS), Vanessa and Shu Wen.
It's the first camp group I joined that we didn't really awkward among each other, very natural and nice la, hoho
I am really lazy to type out what had happened there
just
it feels like going back to the past, where I will sit down and be a good child, listen to the sermons, talks and sharing with everyone, aa long time it didn't happen, and it feels very " christian" la the whole environment.
Not much happened there (for me), but it kind of reminded me of ESP 2013!!!
LOL, and I before that after all those time I spent IN the 'world' after 2013, I had this thought that what happened during ESP 2013 was such a weird and somewhat scary moment, haha but then during the weekend camp, when I thought back, the esp2013 was really beautiful!!! Like it's really an important incident in my life, I don't know what I will be like without that 2013 encounter. It's really so important.... for every encounter God touched my heart, really important still I took it for granted!!!
Lol, but still nothing BIG happened la, hmm but I realize something important also la
is that I can never be TRULY strong without Him la, although I might be tired of those "christianity hypocrital side", but actually He is still very real and true, still I have this issue la, I am being quite skeptical even He really did a lot for me, I doubt His intention a lot lo, to this world la, although now still don't have answers
sometimes my heart really very bad, blame curse Him ,will be prideful and think He is wrong, want to run away!! from Him, rejects Him, even though I know how true and how good He had been for me, aiya zong zhi jiu shi despise Him lo, and in the camp I somehow really keep thinking of going home, running away la ( But some sessions I still very focus hor!!! and some worships also very focus and sincere but hey I am not a 单细胞 if you get it)
They have this interesting part, where we wrote our sins down on papers, and then burn it!!
es BURN BURN BURN!! abit scary but still very cool haha it's just symbolize that Jesus had died for it la, so our sins had gone with the fire!!!!!
but then, while burning the paper, the feeling was so complicated, it's so mixed up!! Angry, sad and happy??? 人类就是复杂的动物哟。。 happy because I know Jesus died for us, hehe but angry because I can't run away from Him, no matter what happen, I jiu shi will come back to Him and need Him and He jiu shi will be always there for me, lol this suppose to be a good thing right, but I don't want to depend on Him leh, jiu shi don't want，又跑不掉.....then sad that I don't know what to feel and what to do, what is the right feeling that suppose to be in my heart?!
lol damn complicated ..
Then after BURNING!!, someone came to me like out of sudden and said God wants her to pray for me haha I don't know her at all !! Candice still thought that I knew her haha because she was so out of the blue told me this in the midst of worship,?! very glad she want to pray for me but then I kind of dont believe her la maybe just she simply sees me gloomy gloomy like that, then told me is from Him, but then the prayer somehow quite... accurate la, for what she prayed, it kind of reflected my heart accurately lol She prayed very long, and very true stuffs la thou I forgot le haha but then there's something that really strikes me is that when she prayed, you know,God wants to tell you that, He loves you very much, and though He knows what your thoughts, and mind are of, He will never DESPISE YOUR HEART!!!
I really... !!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
you know is like got this voice keep telling me that my heart is stubborn, why you so stubborn? why you so prideful?? lol you so skeptical how o? leave lo leave la, aiya you just stubborn one la, that's why u like this la you dont feel anything lo huo gai hohoho
and then, like what pastor xx(forgot name) shared today, I then realize, all those negative voices, which I thought is what He revealed to me, isn't from Him at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is from the Accuser.
because.....
He will NEVER Despise my heart...
and although He knows my thoughts were against Him, so does my heart, He knows what's going on in me, of course He knows,
yet, He will never Despise it...
.... how can He not? I despise Him lo
how can He NOT?
haiz, He tahu I am stubborn, but He didn't use that to accuse me back,
haiz,So I knew how much He LOVES me and us.....how much His love is.... to another level lo, last night.
got touched dao la, by this, but I didn't cry haha, I very geng ( actually just stubborn), just feeling like 你竟然跟我讲you won't despise it...
it doesn't make sense, it isn't logical,
just because I am being too skeptical..
and Believing in Him, Trusting in Him, Knowing all the good things He done, doesn't require all these rational thinking
and then I realised how hard my heart had become, still I thought I am okay before it... it is getting numb le la!!!
(because of all the distrust of pastors, 'christians', haiz zong zhi jiu shi human la)
but most importantly is..... He will accept us even if you rejected Him.. lol He is just not logical like us, how to understand o?
I think I never gonna be able to understand how deep the Father love for us, how deep? how wide His heart is for us? you think you know meh? you think you really understand meh??!
no...
okay, so here are some cool things to say, which I never know about it, their church is functioned like this, the G12
like pyramid aneh kuan,
each person will go to find 12 disciples and form a cell, then from the 12, each of the 12 goes to find another 12 haha
hen cool, and can see that they are quite close to each other, and I just found out today that I am actually one of Candice's 12, haha should I felt honored?
and their sermons are quite good also, people are nice hahha
oh got! pastor xx taught us that, comparison is very true
She gave examples of herself, that her eyes are small, yet her eyes of her brother is big and large and got rambutan eyelashes, but she got none
then her relatives, adults, love to compare her eyes and her brother's eyes, and said if those eyes could be on the za bo kia (herself) tio ho la, haha you know how hurt this could be (especially comparisons among siblings!), how conscious she is going to be with her eyes, and she felt like she will never be as good as his brother, she will never be good enough
but then she realized this:
"but wait, is it true?
comparison is true, but it is half true also, yes, it is true that his eyes is bigger than mine, his eyes is much more beautiful than mine, he is better than me, more good looking, smarter, more athletic, do alot of things better than me, is true that my brother is better,
but is it true that I am not enough?"
this really 非常值得深思。。haha
In His eyes, we are always good enough anyway....remind me of the song "Try" by Colbie xxx?
and also one thing I liked about what she have said:
"sometimes, you are not responsible for others' action.
You have done your part, and you let go."
haha.... ya lo, sometimes care too much about what people might think and do ah!
and we have to walk with the faith that we are who we are and He had good things in stored long time for us!!
but hen xiang give that whatsapp face a because it's not easy to think like that......
but this camp got something that I doesn't like, is the calling of receiving the gift of tongue, is like..... they will said it's something that you really REQUIRED, mei you cannot aneh, like 最好是有。。
don't know leh, then end up I feel like everyone is saying some same language...... ? if you understand what I mean..
So the conclusion is that, I am tired and I am going to sleep.
haha serious, He loves us ALOT.
oh and it's the first camp that I don't really care about got handsome guys or not around me lol zhi jie didn't really 注意 dao di got apa hal around me
lol I know after this post maybe you gonna worried about me, but I don't really feel like to share this to other people leh, so don't tell them la, because I am just being too skeptical to receive what they might be telling me.
I am back from the camp!! First camp that I just went without really knowing anyone there
hahaha
but the people in my group are really quite nice aaa
got Candice, Sandra, Valerie(Yes Singapore have so much ValerieSSSSSS), Vanessa and Shu Wen.
It's the first camp group I joined that we didn't really awkward among each other, very natural and nice la, hoho
I am really lazy to type out what had happened there
just
it feels like going back to the past, where I will sit down and be a good child, listen to the sermons, talks and sharing with everyone, aa long time it didn't happen, and it feels very " christian" la the whole environment.
Not much happened there (for me), but it kind of reminded me of ESP 2013!!!
LOL, and I before that after all those time I spent IN the 'world' after 2013, I had this thought that what happened during ESP 2013 was such a weird and somewhat scary moment, haha but then during the weekend camp, when I thought back, the esp2013 was really beautiful!!! Like it's really an important incident in my life, I don't know what I will be like without that 2013 encounter. It's really so important.... for every encounter God touched my heart, really important still I took it for granted!!!
Lol, but still nothing BIG happened la, hmm but I realize something important also la
is that I can never be TRULY strong without Him la, although I might be tired of those "christianity hypocrital side", but actually He is still very real and true, still I have this issue la, I am being quite skeptical even He really did a lot for me, I doubt His intention a lot lo, to this world la, although now still don't have answers
sometimes my heart really very bad, blame curse Him ,will be prideful and think He is wrong, want to run away!! from Him, rejects Him, even though I know how true and how good He had been for me, aiya zong zhi jiu shi despise Him lo, and in the camp I somehow really keep thinking of going home, running away la ( But some sessions I still very focus hor!!! and some worships also very focus and sincere but hey I am not a 单细胞 if you get it)
They have this interesting part, where we wrote our sins down on papers, and then burn it!!
es BURN BURN BURN!! abit scary but still very cool haha it's just symbolize that Jesus had died for it la, so our sins had gone with the fire!!!!!
but then, while burning the paper, the feeling was so complicated, it's so mixed up!! Angry, sad and happy??? 人类就是复杂的动物哟。。 happy because I know Jesus died for us, hehe but angry because I can't run away from Him, no matter what happen, I jiu shi will come back to Him and need Him and He jiu shi will be always there for me, lol this suppose to be a good thing right, but I don't want to depend on Him leh, jiu shi don't want，又跑不掉.....then sad that I don't know what to feel and what to do, what is the right feeling that suppose to be in my heart?!
lol damn complicated ..
Then after BURNING!!, someone came to me like out of sudden and said God wants her to pray for me haha I don't know her at all !! Candice still thought that I knew her haha because she was so out of the blue told me this in the midst of worship,?! very glad she want to pray for me but then I kind of dont believe her la maybe just she simply sees me gloomy gloomy like that, then told me is from Him, but then the prayer somehow quite... accurate la, for what she prayed, it kind of reflected my heart accurately lol She prayed very long, and very true stuffs la thou I forgot le haha but then there's something that really strikes me is that when she prayed, you know,God wants to tell you that, He loves you very much, and though He knows what your thoughts, and mind are of, He will never DESPISE YOUR HEART!!!
I really... !!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
you know is like got this voice keep telling me that my heart is stubborn, why you so stubborn? why you so prideful?? lol you so skeptical how o? leave lo leave la, aiya you just stubborn one la, that's why u like this la you dont feel anything lo huo gai hohoho
and then, like what pastor xx(forgot name) shared today, I then realize, all those negative voices, which I thought is what He revealed to me, isn't from Him at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is from the Accuser.
because.....
He will NEVER Despise my heart...
and although He knows my thoughts were against Him, so does my heart, He knows what's going on in me, of course He knows,
yet, He will never Despise it...
.... how can He not? I despise Him lo
how can He NOT?
haiz, He tahu I am stubborn, but He didn't use that to accuse me back,
haiz,So I knew how much He LOVES me and us.....how much His love is.... to another level lo, last night.
got touched dao la, by this, but I didn't cry haha, I very geng ( actually just stubborn), just feeling like 你竟然跟我讲you won't despise it...
it doesn't make sense, it isn't logical,
just because I am being too skeptical..
and Believing in Him, Trusting in Him, Knowing all the good things He done, doesn't require all these rational thinking
and then I realised how hard my heart had become, still I thought I am okay before it... it is getting numb le la!!!
(because of all the distrust of pastors, 'christians', haiz zong zhi jiu shi human la)
but most importantly is..... He will accept us even if you rejected Him.. lol He is just not logical like us, how to understand o?
I think I never gonna be able to understand how deep the Father love for us, how deep? how wide His heart is for us? you think you know meh? you think you really understand meh??!
no...
okay, so here are some cool things to say, which I never know about it, their church is functioned like this, the G12
like pyramid aneh kuan,
each person will go to find 12 disciples and form a cell, then from the 12, each of the 12 goes to find another 12 haha
hen cool, and can see that they are quite close to each other, and I just found out today that I am actually one of Candice's 12, haha should I felt honored?
and their sermons are quite good also, people are nice hahha
oh got! pastor xx taught us that, comparison is very true
She gave examples of herself, that her eyes are small, yet her eyes of her brother is big and large and got rambutan eyelashes, but she got none
then her relatives, adults, love to compare her eyes and her brother's eyes, and said if those eyes could be on the za bo kia (herself) tio ho la, haha you know how hurt this could be (especially comparisons among siblings!), how conscious she is going to be with her eyes, and she felt like she will never be as good as his brother, she will never be good enough
but then she realized this:
"but wait, is it true?
comparison is true, but it is half true also, yes, it is true that his eyes is bigger than mine, his eyes is much more beautiful than mine, he is better than me, more good looking, smarter, more athletic, do alot of things better than me, is true that my brother is better,
but is it true that I am not enough?"
this really 非常值得深思。。haha
In His eyes, we are always good enough anyway....remind me of the song "Try" by Colbie xxx?
and also one thing I liked about what she have said:
"sometimes, you are not responsible for others' action.
You have done your part, and you let go."
haha.... ya lo, sometimes care too much about what people might think and do ah!
and we have to walk with the faith that we are who we are and He had good things in stored long time for us!!
but hen xiang give that whatsapp face a because it's not easy to think like that......
but this camp got something that I doesn't like, is the calling of receiving the gift of tongue, is like..... they will said it's something that you really REQUIRED, mei you cannot aneh, like 最好是有。。
don't know leh, then end up I feel like everyone is saying some same language...... ? if you understand what I mean..
So the conclusion is that, I am tired and I am going to sleep.
haha serious, He loves us ALOT.
oh and it's the first camp that I don't really care about got handsome guys or not around me lol zhi jie didn't really 注意 dao di got apa hal around me
lol I know after this post maybe you gonna worried about me, but I don't really feel like to share this to other people leh, so don't tell them la, because I am just being too skeptical to receive what they might be telling me.
No comments:
Post a Comment