一坨坨

But cuteness can overcome the bluey night!

光宗耀祖

TOday is mr Lee 出殡日
My mum said the first singapore National day was a raining day, and after that year, singapore never had a raining national day again!
Yet today, singapore is raining, cats and dogs!
五十年前，也许天空为了新加坡前途一片迷途而茫然哭泣
五十年来，头顶上的一片天见证了新加坡因为先驱们的牺牲而转变
最后，五十年后的今天，天空为了这个伟人的逝去而哀伤落泪呢

总共有100多万人这几天向他致敬！100多万哟 ！新加坡那么小！
许多难得的大国大牌人物都均有出息
而这个个人 竟然可以让人不惜排10小时只为那段段的几秒 向他鞠个躬！

尚问为何要 4am 爬起来跑去parliament gehpo
That morning i genben 起不来 dunwan go le
Although I know that's the only time I can go, because I cannot tahan to wait for 8hours! So if I want to go must go on that time
And then there's something in me feeling uneasy to sleep back, which was pretty unusual
So i jing ran woke up! And went lo
Which only queue for 40minutes!
行礼的时候觉得好快 才三秒！我排了四十分钟咯！(how did those ppl manage to wait for 10hours?!)
Then 很不可思议这个伟人的的确确躺在那里 离我那么靠近!!
他死了。。
很遗憾 人都是难逃一死的
但在他的棺木前 却深深领悟到
“人固有一死 或轻于鹅毛 或重于泰山”
而这泰山 完全值得群众最后的致敬
4点出门算哪根葱？

His death is really making such an impact in Singapore
People starts to throw back and beginning to realise again his efforts for Singapore
GOod for the ungrateful young lads! 哼！
I know I am not a singaporean, but i truly respect this man, who sacrifices his life for the benefits of his country
I had always 钦佩 his wisdom and his efforts and sacrifices, whether is read from his books, or from my mum or sister, we used to talk about him
Still I heard there's alot of controversial issues of him, whether is his personal life or his cruel act towards his opponent or etc
But being a human,for me,  he is not a 圣人, but a 伟人
That's why i like someone said that
"Good and necessary dont always come together"
Meaning that what he did may not be good, but is always necessary
Please la, If not, singapore will like this meh? But how much young ppl take his efforts for granted today? 哼！
This man had sacrifice his life, for the sake of the people's life!
every singaporean owe him yi ge 人情咯

how sad those aunties uncles will be right now as they had witnessed the growth of sg, from absolutely nothing, to what we see today!
it's raining heavily now, as seems as the sky are griefing with them..

His life may come to an end
But when you look at Singapore, you know that his spirit will always remains: the buildings,the river, the structure, the system, the organization, mrt, ns men, cleanliness,  even the trees and flowers.....
anywhere,

Everywhere.

R.i.p. this great man! -
Mr Lee Kuan Yew

你终于过了你一直以来想要的假期

Holidays are meant to relax, like a boss! Yo!

But I really miss school life now,not just because of friends out there, but also the scheduled life style, which u HAVE to be much disciplined

Without school, here am I, literally a living worm!!!
Wriggle wriggle wriggle ~(that song)
These few days in sg you can find me in two places: on the bed and in front of laptop, or occasionally in the toilet
Lol the cons of moving into a more comfortable house WITH WIFI
......
And endless Dotas.

Which I kind of thinking that it's really unhealthy,
Withiu you realise, playing dota had became a 精神寄托, it's no more playing for fun and enjoying the game but you want to fill the loneliness which was made up by yourself
You locked yourself in this small world and thinking that winning the game could satisfied yourself but 赢了又怎样! you are not satisfied
You are just wasting your time! TT
not because you play dota but because you find a wrong way to fill your heart but end up you aren't satisfied like you thought you will be therefore you can't enjoy the game like you do finally your days are gone, in a blink!

Gosh, every morning you opened your eyes at 9am, then 10, then 12pm, then 1, and you get up not because you want to, but because you really really 睡不下去了，come on almost 12 hours leh, and the day before the most tiring thing you do is just get downstair and find something to eat, and  if can you want to sleep forever to run away from the negativity

Plus, You want to drag till 1pm to wake up because after you played four games it's 6pm already, if you woke up at 9am after 4games it's still 2pm, aaaa then u continue to play after 2 but then you know after playing too much you feel sien, so zuihao is 1pm only wake up start to play
yeah, that makes so much sense hor~
and you ate at 6pm, your only meal, and then you are going to hate your laziness because it will get you thinner and thinner TT 好不容易 cny become fatter and now look at yourself!!

Life is so wormy that I really think using “wormy” despises the efforts of the worm out there TT
.
Everyday wake up at 1 and sleep at 3
It's not reallly that late compare to secondary school life but at least during your secondary life you have your mum watch on you
Plus you know this stage of life isn't a stage to waste! You know lo, but you just too 随心所欲 and 随性 to make an effort to change
You dota and dota and dota, dont want to eat, dont want to bath, dont want to move, and get nothing in the end.

Haiz last time I always want to try a holiday like this, do nothing and nothing and nothing and relax, (which I could never try to be this stage back with my mum haha) but it isn't relaxing! It's taking away something valuable from me! It's digging my heart out, making it hollow and empty, like a balloon losing its gas inside, with that sound~

Plus i dont know if i continue to be like this for the rest of holidays, how much of my hair will left
最近头发一直掉! Already short hair I dont know why still can drop
MAybe sleep late bah is like you are freaking tired still you resist to sleep(like after 10hours of standing in watami you still can play 2 dota matches even u reached home at 11 and you are so freaking exhausted u still play and sleep at 2) it's so stupid but you did this all the time, having phd in procrastinating and doing things you shouldn't do!! Clap clap!

And because of this shit life you feel so empty that you dont feel like making a conversation, rarely check your whatsapp, ignoring people's chat, or just fuyan-ing...you dont have the excitement to talk like you have in the school days
And the more you stay at home, the more you dont feel like to meet anyone, the more you dont feel like to have a convo with anyone, the more you thought you are such a 称职 de introvertist

I wish I can wake myself up from this rubbish life and start to do something I have to do
ANd also, stop a few days for dota
But it's so hard!!!
It's like an endless cycle ..... sien - dota - empty - sien -dota - empty - sien - dota
Lol my friends la why everytime when I jio dota always available one... if nobody plays with me I jiu wont play le 除非 i really really 很想玩 (well obviously there's nothing to do with them!! Argh)

Seriously there are so much waste in these days........
It's time to go out and breathe, it's time to exercise more, it's time to improve in your hobbies, it's time to read more, watch more nice movies, it's time to meet people
NOT JUST FREAKING DOTA
And I want to be those guai bao bao who wake up at 8 and sleeps at 10
I want to
I want to!!!
Okay tmr wake up at 8am!
等着瞧！

GLGLGL

It's good, it makes u sober

THANk God for the unexpected result!
Hoho
And please guard my heart to be humble as I can't achieve this with my own strength, and that I will continue to work hard for next sem!
So this sem has a good ending!
Moving forward to year two! XD

indifference

God wants you to know that
It's okay if they dont understand how important a thing it is for you

Because everybody have different thoughts different motive different motto of life different past different backgrounds
They doesn't have to think like you
What do you expect?
What are you expecting?

有什么好执着？

But why there's isn't someone out there who could be similar?

天后

It's not only a song which that guy want to express his feelings
But also a reminder for every zabos.

对不起 其实我知道
是我心理素质不够好

Zenmeban, alot of people has been telling me, to 趁现在 趁在新加坡 should go out and make more friends
But dont know why last time I could be really excited to know alot of new people yet now I felt so lazy and tired to meet new faces, to get to know someone new again, so mafan to 打哈哈 and to play guess-your-thoughts
Zenmeban, I felt I am really an introvert as time goes by
But I just felt so sien to go out and socialize!

How come my heart is no longer young and wild and 对世界充满期待了
How come it becomes so old and tired!?

I dont know leh, I really dont know is this a bad thing or is it somekind of passive personalities or just i am just 老了 and I dont know how to not feel like that !

What you want to be!?

Oh, i really dont know what occupation i will like but..

I want to be that someone, that doesn't have someone that I can't live without
(Exceptions : family)

I want to be that someone, that care for someone genuinely when that someone needs me

I want to be that someone, that's forgiving to people, even though you might hurt me before

I want to be that someone, that's confident in myself even though they could be laughing behind me

I want to be that someone, that doesn't care about fame and vanity, and be who I suppose to be

I want to be that someone, that could live my own purpose and meaningful life, based on God's will

I want to be that someone, that always know what I want and what I am doing

I want to be that someone, that has the real strength and courage and love of God, so that I can be that someone I want.

红酒般的生活？

I just dont want to sleep, after I give my mum qi si! Hmph!
Jiu shi dont want sleep leh!
Who said 19 sui cannot be Rebellious?!
Now still can childish want 善用yixia maaa hehe

Oh
But I know I should be grateful
I felt my life is much simpler after I had decided to choose engineering and go to singapore and met those people around me in sg and decided to stop wasting time, whether is thinking of, or faking around, or scared to be judged by those not-so-important people laaa
I really really appreciate being around with genuine people! :D really very grateful to Him

And this simple and suite life is something that I used to hope for
when all those complicated human affairs are out of your brain zone
U live a happier life, seriously

But u know as 矛盾的人们
汽水喝多了想念白开水
白开水喝久了却怀念起汽水了

But 汽水对身体不好
Maybe i should start finding and drinking red wine le

To黑国宝aka秀爱菜狗

I yuan ben want type in comment de hehe but hen chang...

Never heard of the promise between us and God before coming into this world and forgotten it haha but I believe as long as they practice love and forgiving (like Malala!), is worshipping the one and true God lo! (Although their God has different name and they believe alot things different from us) Because two most important commandment from Jesus is love the Lord and love your neighbours ma....although pastors always told us theirs is wrong belief but sometimes actually they are also those who practice the love of God ma! Actually I believe If they hold on to the right belief and didnt go to extreme, Jesus also will see de lo! Sometimes I felt those pastors and elders like over judgemental about u believe what what what not wrong not correct but for me la I think love and acceptance still is the most important thing which can go above all conflicts!

And hor, for the parents part hor i heard that those spirits from spiritual worlds also got power de, but much often dont you notice their power goes to the wrong place, like supporting people to go greedier for money... ahh but i heard some also got heal people I also dont know leh for this but I only know they can't mold your heart heal your hurts give u peace and joy and love for others?

Lol and zhong dian is if you do bad altogether zai repent, He still LOVES you and never forsake you! This is the most.... duno how to say part... and then u feel guilty but He tell u no need feel guilty but is it right to not feel guilty? Maybe we mix repentance and guilt together bah aaa buxiao xin become saying about my issue le

Haha, then others de i cant say much  also i also very messy but only can tell you He will never despise your heart no matter how cai gou it is...and remember this! He will NEVER accuse you to feel guilty and shame, that's from the Deceiver who want to make you further away from Him, but I also dont know how to not feel not guilty...aiya, zong zhi He is God ma He still love you, like... more than Alot, that's what I know and felt nia...

That's all

And
你知道有时候会遇到那种人太好的好到要烂的那种 好到你很想讲骂他笨？！ 好到你很beh tahan那种

唉。。然后突然觉得原来真正的烂好人就在我们心里最深处
And then
All I want to tell Him was :
...........

the camp lorh

Hi!
I am back from the camp!! First camp that I just went without really knowing anyone there
hahaha
but the people in my group are really quite nice aaa
got Candice, Sandra, Valerie(Yes Singapore have so much ValerieSSSSSS), Vanessa and Shu Wen.
It's the first camp group I joined that we didn't really awkward among each other, very natural and nice la, hoho

I am really lazy to type out what had happened there
just
it feels like going back to the past, where I will sit down and be a good child, listen to the sermons, talks and sharing with everyone, aa long time it didn't happen, and it feels very " christian" la the whole environment.

Not much happened there (for me), but it kind of reminded me of ESP 2013!!!
LOL, and I before that after all those time I spent IN the 'world' after 2013, I had this thought that what happened during ESP 2013 was such a weird and somewhat scary moment, haha but then during the weekend camp, when I thought back, the esp2013 was really beautiful!!! Like it's really an important incident in my life, I don't know what I will be like without that 2013 encounter. It's really so important.... for every encounter God touched my heart, really important still I took it for granted!!!

 Lol, but still nothing BIG happened la, hmm but I realize something important also la
is that I can never be TRULY strong without Him la, although I might be tired of those "christianity hypocrital side", but actually He is still very real and true, still I have this issue la, I am being quite skeptical even He really did a lot for me, I doubt His intention a lot lo, to this world la,  although now still don't have answers

sometimes my heart really very bad, blame curse Him ,will be prideful and think He is wrong, want to run away!! from Him, rejects Him, even though I know how true and how good He had been for me, aiya zong zhi jiu shi despise Him lo, and in the camp I somehow really keep thinking of going home, running away la ( But some sessions I still very focus hor!!! and some worships also very focus and sincere but hey I am not a 单细胞 if you get it)

They have this interesting part, where we wrote our sins down on papers, and then burn it!!
 es BURN BURN BURN!! abit scary but still very cool haha it's just symbolize that Jesus had died for it la, so our sins had gone with the fire!!!!!
but then, while burning the paper, the feeling was so complicated, it's so mixed up!! Angry, sad and happy??? 人类就是复杂的动物哟。。 happy because I know Jesus died for us, hehe but angry because I can't run away from Him, no matter what happen, I jiu shi will come back to Him and need Him and He jiu shi will be always there for me, lol this suppose to be a good thing right, but I don't want to depend on Him leh, jiu shi don't want，又跑不掉.....then sad that I don't know what to feel and what to do, what is the right feeling that suppose to be in my heart?!
lol damn complicated ..

Then after BURNING!!, someone came to me like out of sudden and said God wants her to pray for me haha I don't know her at all !! Candice still thought that I knew her haha because she was so out of the blue told me this in the midst of worship,?! very glad she want to pray for me but then I kind of dont believe her la maybe just she simply sees me gloomy gloomy like that, then told me is from Him, but then the prayer somehow quite... accurate la, for what she prayed, it kind of reflected my heart accurately lol She prayed very long, and very true stuffs la thou I forgot le haha but then there's something that really strikes me is that when she prayed, you know,God wants to tell you that, He loves you very much, and though He knows what your thoughts, and mind are of,  He will never DESPISE YOUR HEART!!!

I really... !!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
you know is like got this voice keep telling me that my heart is stubborn, why you so stubborn? why you so prideful?? lol you so skeptical how o? leave lo leave la, aiya you just stubborn one la, that's why u like this la  you dont feel anything lo huo gai hohoho
and then, like what pastor xx(forgot name) shared today, I then realize, all those negative voices, which I thought is what He revealed to me, isn't from Him at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it is from the Accuser.
because.....
He will NEVER Despise my heart...
and although He knows my thoughts were against Him, so does my heart, He knows what's going on in me, of course He knows,
yet, He will never Despise it...
.... how can He not? I despise Him lo
how can He NOT?
haiz, He tahu I am stubborn, but He didn't use that to accuse me back,

haiz,So I  knew how much He LOVES me and us.....how much His love is.... to another level lo, last night.

got touched dao la, by this, but I didn't cry haha, I very geng ( actually just stubborn), just feeling like 你竟然跟我讲you won't despise it...

it doesn't make sense, it isn't logical,
just because I am being too skeptical..

and Believing in Him, Trusting in Him, Knowing all the good things He done, doesn't require all these rational thinking

and then I realised how hard my heart had become, still I thought I am okay before it... it is getting numb le la!!!
(because of all the distrust of pastors, 'christians', haiz zong zhi jiu shi human la)
but most importantly is..... He will accept us even if you rejected Him.. lol He is just not logical like us, how to understand o?
I think I never gonna be able to understand how deep the Father love for us, how deep? how wide His heart is for us? you think you know meh? you think you really understand meh??!
no...

okay, so here are some cool things to say, which I never know about it, their church is functioned like this, the G12
like pyramid aneh kuan,
each person will go to find 12 disciples and form a cell, then from the 12, each of the 12 goes to find another 12 haha
hen cool, and can see that they are quite close to each other, and I just found out today that I am actually one of Candice's 12, haha should I felt honored? 
and their sermons are quite good also, people are nice hahha
oh got! pastor xx taught us that,  comparison is very true
She gave examples of herself, that her eyes are small, yet her eyes of her brother is big and large and got rambutan eyelashes, but she got none
then her relatives, adults, love to compare her eyes and her brother's eyes, and said if those eyes could be on the za bo kia (herself) tio ho la, haha you know how hurt this could be (especially comparisons among siblings!), how conscious she is going to be with her eyes, and she felt like she will never be as good as his brother, she will never be good enough
but then she realized this:
"but wait, is it true?
comparison is true, but it is half true also, yes, it is true that his eyes is bigger than mine, his eyes is much more beautiful than mine, he is better than me, more good looking, smarter, more athletic, do alot of things better than me, is true that my brother is better,
but is it true that I am not enough?"
this really 非常值得深思。。haha
In His eyes, we are always good enough anyway....remind me of the song "Try" by Colbie xxx?
and also one thing I liked about what she have said:
"sometimes, you are not responsible for others' action.
You have done your part, and you let go."
haha.... ya lo, sometimes care too much about what people might think and do ah!
and we have to walk with the faith that we are who we are and He had good things in stored long time for us!!
but hen xiang give that whatsapp face a because it's not easy to think like that......


but this camp got something that I doesn't like, is the calling of receiving the gift of tongue, is like..... they will said it's something that you really REQUIRED, mei you cannot aneh, like 最好是有。。
don't know leh, then end up I feel like everyone is saying some same language...... ? if you understand what I mean..

So the conclusion is that, I am tired and I am  going to sleep.
haha serious, He loves us ALOT.
oh and it's the first camp that I don't really care about got handsome guys or not around me lol zhi jie didn't really 注意 dao di got apa hal around me


lol I know after this post maybe you gonna worried about me, but I don't really feel like to share this to other people leh, so don't tell them la, because I am just being too skeptical to receive what they might be telling me.

Jamien 有练琴所以我现在蛮开心的哈哈

Update

Heehee so long didnt blog le
Because going back pontian means no extra mrt time!

So what did i do the last few days
Oh
Dota
And
Lag
And
Dota
And sleep
dota again
Stil Dota

Sleep

And lag

Dota

Sleep

And dota makes me dont feel like going anywhere
But finally met jie er and tricia (and luckily)
Which i got bagua! HAhaha so happy xD and yumyum seaweed
And spent alot in a whole day with bkt karaoke and sr
And continue dota
And still lag
So sad

Then today help my mum bought iphone six
The shop worker keep thought that it was meant for me hahaha
And come back to sg again
Going to Jamien's house now
And camp later!

It's called the encounter camp
顾名思义
It's like going there to encounter God like that la
And I dont know what to expect...

Hehe so proud of rambah beach o