虽然没有绝对的绝对

开始很讨厌每个拜六要去的那个..

这个国家太认真 而这两个字离我还有很长的一段距离 所以接下来的几年要怎样混下去

约束 束缚 防备心 也是很大的特点 还有kiasu病心机癌和小心眼症

才发现 离开了我的course我的班

外面真的很“新加坡”

I'll play my fight song~~~~

-- 總是自以為瞭解了誰，卻從未反問自己「我是誰」；

經常在乎別人的看法，卻不傾聽心底 的想法；

永遠把世俗觀當作自己的標竿，卻從沒停下來為自己認真思考一番。

走到盡頭才 發現，和自己相處最久的，原來是最陌生的；

一直以為重要的，原來都不是你要的。

"從現在開始，學習用"你自己"的方式去瞭解認識自己，以下有幾點觀點／方 法希望對你有幫助：

 

1.把注意力回到自己身上－ 會在乎別人怎麼看自己的人，眼睛和心都只在管別人，而不是自己！全世界有多 少人，就有多少種複雜的思緒，你控制得了別人的思考想法嗎？這些人和你相處 時間又有多長？你，要和自己相處多久？一輩子耶！你一天24小時裡，花多少時 間傾聽自己的內心、和自己對話過？你知道自己的內心在想什麼、渴望什麼、甚 至難過什麼嗎？若你什麼都不知道，那你連和自己相處二十幾年的身心都不瞭解 了，也沒善待過他，那你又憑什麼期待那些和你沒血緣關係的人會懂你？

 

若你連自己的想法情緒都常常起伏捉摸不定，那你又如何能確定別人對你的看法 評價就一定和你想的一樣？

 

我常說：世上只有三件事－上天的事(天災)，別人的事(他會否考上學校)，和 你自己的事！而你，在乎別人怎麼看你想你，就是在管別人的事，因為你想管 也管不了！重點是，用你自己的時間，去管別人的事，而不是好好做你自己的事， 那不是在浪費生命嗎？

 

倘若你只剩一星期可以活，然後我問你對自己瞭解認識多少，有否好好愛過自己， 你能回答出來嗎？你的生命快結束，你卻對自己一無所知，卻只一直管別人怎麼 想你看你，重點是，這些人，到底干你的人生什麼事？

 

2.你是誰－ 　當你連自己是誰都無法弄清楚時，你的內心就是一片散沙，別人任何的一句話、 　一個眼神、一個動作，就可以把你對自己的看法擊倒，不堪一擊。重點是，還要 再浪費時間去處理後續的情緒，而且還是為那些一點都不重要的人！

 

若對你自己的瞭解都沒有，那你如何知道別人對你的評論是對或錯？你要如何去 分辨哪些是無謂的批評、哪些是有建設性的參考？

 

你是誰，不是用身高、體重、學歷、收入、工作頭銜來代表，而是你的腦袋裡有 什麼，你的內心是什麼樣的，你的喜好有哪些，你討厭什麼？你有什麼優點，你 "自己"知道嗎？為什麼我強調"自己"？因為當你對外講出一堆"別人"形容你的優 點，但你自己心裡並沒有真的認同／接收的話，那這些優點就只是拿來社交炫耀 　用的，你骨子裡還是一樣沒自信！

 

3. 慎選／創造環境－ 建立自信的要件之一，就是要能辨識造成你自卑的因素有哪些，然後撇開那些影 響你的人事物，若避不了，至少你的腦袋已知道這些是危害，不要受之影響。其 實不只是你的家人，台灣整個環境，就是一個充滿八卦／愛批判愛比較的文化， 導致大家都只把心力放在別人有什麼、自己沒有什麼，永遠都是不如人的思維在 看待周遭，而忘了自身的存在價值。在你的能力所及，為你自己創造一個可以培 養建立自信的環境吧，哪怕每天只有短暫幾小時的獨處也好。 最後，和你分享我的小小心情： 我一直都不在乎別人怎麼看我，但我26歲以前，都活在父母的期待要求之下，為了 世俗觀而汲汲營營，然後我的心就生了一場很嚴重的病！因為走過鬼門關，所以我 更意識到為自己而活的重要性，要我再為任何一個人去犧牲我的人生抉擇，是不可 能的事了！所以，把時間／寶貴的生命浪費在不重要的人／和你無血緣關係的人身 上，是件很沒意義的事，你還年輕，沒有意識到生命的寶貴，但若你真的懂"人生 無常" 這四個字，那你應該要好好想想，你花多少時間在自己身上，又浪費多少時 間在從來沒發生過的腦內小劇場...

 

關心你自己的內心吧，想想要做哪些事，可以讓你更喜歡更愛自己，然後把時間投 資在那裡，你，才會擁有真正的自信！

 

唯有不在乎別人怎麼看你，你才能自由自在的呼吸，這樣的人生，你才會過得快樂！"

Original url :

 https://zh-cn.facebook.com/notes/非洲魔術醫生-黃大胖/好文分享-如何增加自信不要過度在意別人看法/514207648601087

 

 

臭人

Walao if there's any sudden black face or cold shoulder ever I won't give a damn again 

Who knows what the hell I did ah!!

But why should I even ruin my mood and 

Why should I even bother for the sudden coldness

Suan le I can't control what you feel or what you do but I can control mine right

Why should I even care anymore

I am not going to ruin my sweet mood to sleep because of that

As I still have my xiaocat waiting for me and I am gonna sleep with it safe and sound

Goodnight!

Meowwww~~

也许“超会睡”是有原因的

为什么有一种空荡荡的感觉

是因为太早起了吗

是因为觉得生活没什么新鲜精彩了吗

是因为一切不实际的期望落空吗

是因为对现实的无力感吗

是因为习惯了躲藏吗

还是因为害怕面对结果吗

是因为什么 

到底是怎么了

动力叻

热忱勒

为什么消失在心底然后再也找不到你们了

为什么才19岁却比我退休的老爸还对生活更倦怠

心是不是可以在很短的时间内变老

老得不想动不想睁开眼睛不想起来 

很想很想就这样睡到永远。

还是因为太久和祢没联系了吗..

Money money money

I need to work TT why seven eleven don't want me TT!!!! Why!!!!!

I really dont know how lucky I am lo 

To have such parents who will 超级无敌省下一切for me, for us....

My mum and dad had basically gave up so much things for me to let me to study here 

And still I keep on spend their money like I am from a 有一点钱的家

I should have know I am not like them...

My classmate from China they can buy a simple Tshirt for 90 sgd, pants for 600+!? Bicycle for 1000sgd ?!?!?

Okay no need that far, they won't think staying in a 500sgd condo is expensive, they won't think that watching movie every week is expensive, they won't think that having a 10sgd meal is expensive

I know this is quite normal for a lot of people as well

And Sometimes I kind of thinking that way too

But when I see my mum, and dad, who just want to save every penny for me, I really feel I am so bad to think that's normal to spend money like that......

take for an example: they would rather walk 20 minutes than to take the 4sgd sentosa train to save the money, they will buy the cheapest biscuit for themselves at home, they will keep on repairing the same stuff than to buy a new one even is some kind of cheap item, my mum bushe de go out to eat Pontian Restaurant even is just bakuteh or 玫瑰 because she don't want to waste that kind of 

money..and many much more la

Haih I am not trying to say our family financial status very Cham or what is just that 他们做的每一件事都是为我想 我却当成理所当然 还一直埋怨这样节省太辛苦很stress 

其实花的也都是他们的钱 有什么资格反驳呢

And some more now is like 2.75, haih I really really need to work more... I have been very lazy to go to work recently  but I don't think I can be like this anymore since my mum is going to 退休

Means half of the salary

... Even though my sis had started to work already but still they have their life, and Malaysia ringgit really 好不争气...I also don't know if to 3 该怎么办

And now I am in my sister hotel, having to be in this deluxe room is the first time for me! And we both think that because the normal room had already been booked by the sea games guest, so the hotel gave them to stay in this deluxe room which is quite 豪华to this suagu me haha

And then why suddenly think of this is because I always think 这些地方没什么大不了 but then suddenly 想想一下 without my sis I really cannot have the chance to stay in this type of place lo... 

It's really super not cheap for a family like us lo............

Then I still always think that everything is just 理所当然, a super not rich family like us having the chance to go overseas, even is just Hongkong is really very fortunate Le, but last time I still very diaogeh 自以为有什么了不起，

其实所有机会都是靠姐姐辛苦做工帮我争取 还有一份疼我的心 

Then爸爸妈妈非常省吃俭用省下的钱 加上老娘善于理财 我才有机会去那些不太容易有机会去的地方

难怪那时候一直给她们骂 

因为这些都真的是他们努力下来的结果 我却什么都不用做就可以享受到 

of course被骂一下是应该的...才可以体会其实真的对他们来说 这一切得来不易..

得来不易啊

So now, 突然间觉得thanks to my parents, dajie and cu

Now what I have, what I am 

is basically ALL BECAUSE OF THEM, 

Is not 理所当然的 but because someone actually work hard for it, for you.

I think before I tell myself to work hard for my future and everything I really need to learn to be grateful for everything they had given to me, and to learn to cherish and treasure all things but not take things for granted, stop grumbling as they already give me their best, although sometimes you envy the people around you, who can spend so much money as they like, who can buy sibeh many clothes and always drink Starbucks, who can do things which people think it's normal to do but for you it's actually spending your old parents' 老本, so don't you feel guilty for grumbling and envy for them?!?

And to save more money le as you got influence by people around you thinking a 8sgd meal isn't expensive ,well it obviously is for you! 还是要看看自己帽子有多大okay, and thinking watching 7sgd movie once a week is okay, 其实这些钱以前你是会省下来的..but now 好像以为在花谁的钱这样

And tonight I just went to uss for free because of peixuan and I should feel grateful also right but she is so rude to me and I really don't like it, it doesn't matter if it's free or not I don't need to bear your attitude just because you gave me a free ticket, I rather not have it then. I really so Annoyed and cha Yi dian 走掉回家 but then it will be so awkward  as we will still meet each other in NDP training! But then things become better after I told her I don't like it and she became much more controlled le so I should still be grateful for the ticket right? Haha

Thanks lo! 

Still abit pekcek though sometimes when thinking back

So I need to sleep now in this 短暂的奢侈了

Goodnight!

Hmm

并不是讨厌你们还是什么

而是要这样一直神经紧绷地做好每一个反应

讲对每一句话

然后重点又做不到

真的好累哦..

但却只可以这样继续下去

好吧

加油！

你也知道女孩子就是天生比较小气一点的 

重点是不要害怕！

要有信心!!

嘿！

梦境和现实 

又快分不清

shh

Things crumbled, Hearts broken, Tears could not heal.

And then I ask : "Where are you?"

You answer : "I am here ah, always."

You are glad that you are not forsaken, you are glad that someone knows

But it always ends with GO AWAY

" You think I need you?I don't."

...

I know you are standing right there, since the beginning to the end,

it's just me who is furthering myself away, 

I can't, my brains said they can't,

they said they could trust no one

they said : SHUT UP and command the heart to run.

This decision is recycling.

I don't know what to do,

or rather I don't want to do.

goodnight

For me tonight is such an unusual  night!!!

actually me and a myanmar friend stay very near, and we plan to study in MCD in mrt but then at 10pm like that he said want to change place, and then we passed by a old bkb court and saw something interesting and randomly we went to explore and found the rare-rate-5star-not-crowded-place in singapore :

the carpark!!

it's a six storey carpark and is not 围着 so basically it could be a place to 做傻事 

it‘s so isolated that it really damn looks like the scene from L4D2 where any zombies could come out from anywhere!!

and today is full moon you know it makes the atmosphere so damn romantic but too bad it's not the right person with me!!!!!!!!!!

then hor i sitting at a spot letting my legs 悬空吊放 to take snapchat haha, abit dangerous la but hen xiang try ma..

and then suddenly when i turn my head back got a police car stopped in front of us leh!

omg shit they surely misunderstood for what they saw or probably they thought i am doing 傻事ing or is it forbidden to be in this isolated carpark?!

and they got down and i got on my nerves haha

and two police officers got down, and start to ask us what are we doing here

and then for no reason suddenly shouted at my friend and say him being rude to the other officer

chua dio sia! he said "my officer can let you kena one you know" something like that la

so scary, eh in what i know singapore policeman is no joke one you know! no play play ah, that day only got a guy tio shot by a policeman because the car didnt stop at a road block and he died leh!

and they ask for our particulars, ask for our addresses, and of course they misunderstood us as if i am the police I also wont believe where the hell will one guy and a girl come to this isolated carpark and claim they are just friend who want to explore this place and do nothing up there but want to enjoy the moon in this late night!?

but it's true...

zzz

but then the police officer see no harm in us and also try to talk some normal conversation to us la

and they quite young and handsome also hahaha

then after that they tell us they were actually going after this black bmw and they received report that it came to this carpark

and tell us to contact 999 or take video or pictures if we saw a black car here 

and i felt like this is so dramatic haha because first time got approached by policeman like that

haha

ya and then tonight I suddenly feel like I learned a lot of things of my fellow classmates from harry lo and I felt quite bad... is like we are in the same class but we never really show effort to help those who need help and only care for ourselves lo....  it's really quite extreme in our class for the results, and we are like separate based on that! it's not healthy!!

 and when harry told me about Heru I really feel so sad sia.. haih... I know we should help one another what as a class right, and they are not really that bad and scary also, not like what I thought, haih! basically Heru is a guy who need to change class to another class because he failed his math and it's sad la because I already think that we are one class le then suddenly someone gone.

for him he sure very sad lo as they one gang all very close one 

okay la got chance we must help each other okay?!!

then hor when I was walking home I saw two keys stucked on a tree trunk! and I was thinking whether someone lost it there (I know it's stupid to think like that) so I took it down and then 越想越不对。。lol 不懂为什么两个钥匙会在那里。。seems like could have alot of possibilities... shit

and after i stuck it back got a malay uncle keep stare at me like i siao like that and then he even geh geh walk pass me and only walk to my direction when he saw I am far away ahead

haih

but suan le , don't think too much liao

and got one more honorable mention!

haha which I get to 开那种没有得拉的罐头without using a can-opener but with a blunt knife and fork hahaha!

#feelingmanly

my room mate said when come to eat, nothing can stop me hahaha

okay la

tomorrow got test and I actually opened my laptop to revise the slide but then!!?!?

May after change phone

So this is my ndp group! The bunch of people which I need to meet every Saturday until Singapore NDP !

And basically I 明明也是第一次去却因为之前当过GL所以这次要进化成TL

也因为这些我才发现要做一个称职的leader对我来说真的好难！

不知道从何时起 不管在何方 都是那个所谓很blur 反应迟钝 东西一直不见?!尤其是电话 又很容易累 很喜欢靠东西 典型最小的 然后做什么都是人家跟你讲要怎样做的那个张小姐

然后.....

Being a TL, 就是大家都会在等你指示这样

而且也必须看好组员 如果他们做什么不对要劝 

可是我连拿个纸袋都会好紧张 

一直很怕会弄丢 因为我知道我非常有可能把所有东西弄不见

而且从前参加单位活动我都是跟上跟下的 也不会去负责什么

平时还好有两个mentor 

上个拜六就是个蛮灰心的星期六

我们玩food junction 很像那个食字路口的游戏

我就要带六个人去tampines去找吃的

基本上我没有去过那个地方 而且整个游戏也不熟（加上一直不小心发呆没有听清楚instruction虽然我已经很努力去听了！)然后我们落后 有一个很有leader特质的组员忙着想食物 然后她不爽其他三个人没有帮她 我很紧张地想帮他们又要试着抚平那女生的不爽 然后还要一边想tampines 这样大又没有去过等下要怎样走？哦 还有还要紧张我这袋东西 怕弄不见什么 等下他们少分就是我的责任啊

 其实那时心里真的蛮紧张的有一种不懂如何是好的感觉 可是却要摆出一脸镇定

然后！！！！

有一个很欠打的组员(另一组，我们ndp group 切成两组）就跑来跟我说 ：

哎呀～ 你这个leader 酱blur ！只会当group burden 罢了lo！ 你看人家都比你适合当leader 你丢不丢脸啊 ？！哎呀 ～你就让给她啦 ！呵呵呵～ （有一点emily式的语气）

.......... 呵得真开心嘛.....

Actually 她讲话是这样的 我懂她在开玩笑 可是那种紧张时刻讲这种话害我真的是......

好伤心啊 TT

我好像没有讲什么 虽然自信心直接差点被KO 几灰心谁知道

但 下车后还要装着若无其事带六个组员赶去mall 假装很有动力地要很开心地带他们去找吃的

头脑却同时一直回荡着她刚说的话

我知道我不是个好leader 我一直都知道！

我对着15个人说话的时候会超紧张 虽然看不出 哈哈

对着6个人给指示也会紧张

做你们的judge也很紧张

拿个bag 都会紧张 等下电话就不见了...

说每一句话也会紧张 因为还要比平时更经过大脑

我也没有那种特质 你一问我可以三不知哈哈 这是原本的习惯....可是我真的有努力地去尝试了解第一手消息

就是要从一个什么都不想care的本质 变成什么都要care的有责任感的鸡婆人物

已经这样了还再加上其实很多参加的活动是你的第一次也是我的第一次呀

唉

我一直觉得自己不适合做这种带领人的事情 我真的不适合！

从以前教书我就知道了

因为我根本就是和他们差不多同一类的屁孩 还要怎样管他们？

TL要做的....

虽然会不习惯会觉得累会觉得灰心会觉得没人懂

可是都已经是这样还可以怎样

所以只可以好好地努力学点什么好好地改掉不好的习惯并好好地长大

其实我的目的是想投诉那个伤我心的人 

可是却说了那么多

然后看点值得开心的照片哈哈

右上角那张是载着满满回忆的一群人～

然后其他呢是平时会一起的一些人

（还有prem and wang qifeng)

有没有spot 到CBC?!

Hoho 他打篮球真的太可口了哈哈

Then那个caoshiqi 是超好的篮球伙伴哈哈

然后这些中国人住的公寓真的是超爽der~~~

还有两个很不typical 的新加坡女生

Anqi and stephy~

人很好也很好kacau hahaha 

然后还有值得一提的怪里怪气丰田!

他英文名是Toyota! Hahah

那天他坐我旁边左腿一直摇一直摇 ！

有点烦

我就问他 你可以不要一直摇脚吗

他竟然放大他很小粒的眼睛 嘴巴一跩

跟我说 

*拜托 是你眼睛有问题好吗 你一定是眼睛抽经眼皮在跳才会看到我脚在摇 靠 我脚就安安稳稳地放地上！*

Wa Kao “哇 厉害咯那为什么右脚却没摇”

*哇 你竟然看到一只脚动 一只脚不动 那肯定是你眼睛没药医了好吗！猪腰！*

“...................”

（上述放星星的要用一脸拽样+中国腔想象）

其实他一脸的理直气壮是蛮好笑的哈哈

这个人是那种你会回家没事做的时候想想有什么东西可以拿来骂他的隔天就去学校用一用

因为讲他一定要把握时机 

心软的话被shoot到体无完肤的就是你

咳 我很想讨厌他的 可是他有时候又会做出一些很可爱的事

唉 真是复杂的人类！

虽然真的没有遇过那么“特别”的人 

但他们都很authentic 一下 很真实啦 不会假假来假假去那种

所以有时候真的会更喜欢像他们这样的人

啊为什么会讲到这里来？！

啊！ 那就此搁笔

明天有test ah!!!!!