请小心管好潜意识的自己
潜意识不控制好很危险
会不知不觉又掉如空虚漩涡里

its abit late la but still ying gai put de

hahaha using laptop to put so easy lo! wahahhaa

THANK YOU HO CIER la!

thanks for making my whatsapp so full of noisy

and listen to my craps too xD

I wont say I love you lo 

I will keep in heart de

you know I always di diao de hohoho xD

muaks!

Tricia Heng

Eric Teh

Everybody!!

Lol I dont have photos here so I just find what I can find in FB

These are all important people in my life ha

i dun have he zhao with HC KEN and IAN here

And my family also lo!!!

hohoho

My family! bu yong say much

very important also!

very very very

回忆！！

lol i, or we were reading the old posts and I realised there were so many things happened and we went through together
omg

ahahahhaa
u know everyone is in new environment and have new friends, new lifestyle and all that
that makes us (or me) cha yi dian forgot all those memories

and that blog is khor ee ning one
luckily she got wrote it down
some la
and amaze at myself for what I knew about her and went through all those silly stuffs

and this particular girl* really affect our middleschool life alot lo! like damn lot
she used to affect me alot but you know once you get over something you tend to forgot all those silly moments you went through before
but this girl really 影响很多东西 !
lol i didnt really officially said about her before because love hurts hahahahaha

so anw, there was this girl who I really like last time, like dao become not those kind of normal like leh!
her name is.... hahhaa i think you know
and seriously she influenced so damn much of me
argh
but I also learned alot through out the tough form three/two year
lol
wahh I cant believe things just past like that, just past like that
no matter how much she affects me, how hurt I was (without any valid reasons also), things just past!
it had became a past tense!!!


and now three years later things are much more different already
all I can say is that I really thank God that
with Him, nobody is ever gonna live with the product of the past\


and Thanks to Him, life is much happier and wonderful
and always remember, 一切都会过去的!

雨停了 就会有彩虹哦！！！
aiya i know not always got rainbow one, but still, the air will become fresher!! hahahha xD

只要记得 有什么事情 一定要好好面对它 deal with it！！
找出问题的中心点 然后好好诚实地和自己谈心
过程虽然一点！！！都不容易！！ 而且甚至会非常痛苦
因为有时甚至必须面对自己最黑暗的一面 的确不简单哦哈哈
承认黑暗的那一刻 是多么需要勇气的一件事啊！

and ask for God guidance and help, 一切都会变好的！
要相信 everything will work for the best!!! :D


lol and I so regret for not record my life events here like K.E.N.
maybe I shall start from now hahaha but hen lan duo leh

Late merry chrismas!

Alright got someone said it's been a long time i have updated haha so here i am although i am really damb tired after dota TT

It's so fun to spend christmas here with everything familiar.
And then in this very important festival,  i want to Thank  God for sending His son to save us and moreover do so much things for us that without Him saya tak tahu how will i be today

And secondly i want to thank God for every person that i met in my life (erm including landlord?)

Specially thanks
Of course la, for this family that i am borned in
thank God also for the growth and experience You allowed to happened
Things learned, gained, and a joyous heart that i longed for

And also all the friends i knew!
Lol actually this is what's really in my mind haha

It could be those who i always whatsapp with, those who always can be really crazy with, those who can make fun of, those i knew for so many years, those who can talk craps with me, those who can chat all day long, those who met everyday, those who stay the nights with me, those who i always visit their house, those who went camp with me, those who play dota tgt and those who spent alot of time with me before
(Could stacks haha)

Hohoho you know who you are
Lol
I rarely say this but in my heart i always really appreciate the affinity of us to be friends, especially close friends
Haha it's a pleasure to meet each one of you lol its abit formal to say like this but seriously, without u all happened to be in my life i dont know what my life will be like
I dont know how dull it could be and it's really a big deal to know each one of you!

Hehehee appreciate laa
Especially the sincere hearts!

Thanks!
Muakss

It's something

Djie ask me to join NCC christmas service today so i went lo zz and i wasnt even late but there's no more seat

Hen tao yan de leh got 5000+ seats why still can full got that nice meh heiyer

Then i went to Jem lo there's an alternating plan for this

And guess what?! It's in a cinema!

Walao damn chio haha
Is like watching the movie and actually it's the service hahah hen cool sia

Okay eat Mos burger first

The play was damn good ! It really brings out the true meaning of christmas

It's not Merely just a show

Luckily i came

Seriously, for those who had knew what i was struggling about this whole christianity stuff... erm actually only you hahaha

It's something that i really dont know what to do that i even think of giving up this faith but i cant...! Babi

And makes me more frustrated about Christianity

but kind of knowing something today through tears? And joy haha

Is that it really doesnt matter for all those judmental eyes and the rules the burden and what they keep on telling you to do the church system

yes, i am tired of churches the activities and the thing you have to do as chores and all those hypocrites

Why do i have to be that good girl i am not even close to holy why do i need to act like one hmph

Why have to feel so guilty all the time its Freaking exhaust me outt doesnt really matter

What really matter is that

God is for you

Because it is not the religion that matter, it's the reality of Him

Actually things are really simple and it's human that complicates it

Thanks God for the courage to face the real voice of my heart for its tough to doubt the thing that planted so deep in your heart

And thanks to this preacher 

Joseph Prince

His message really is incredible!

I really feel that something is wrong in my believing when i heard his preaching

And things goes wrong too 

so today is not even 25 and i am in this cinema inside the shopping centre the singer dressed up really formally it must have cost alot to prepare for all this hmm whoo know if he is a hypocrite lol sorry i am not good in trusting hehee

Then after the play, after the worship

The presence of Him is so intense lol and you cried, diulianly, bcause u are by yourself in the cinema and then there's no tissue and u cant 

Lol sunday service is meant to be boring haha and not sentimental

But then it's very comforting La and heartwarming 

It's very hard to explain what it meant to me but yes the service today did mean something for me

It doesnt really matter where, why, how, when and who 

Who cares all these?!

Afterall,it's only about you and Him.

He loves you, He really loves you, thats the most simple thing i was reminded whereby i constantly forget

And other than that, beyond words that could even comprehend

Dont know what to say la

 i dont want to exaggerate things so Just.. quite touching lo what i encounter today

I cant say that i will never doubt and angry at Him anymore because i have to be honest to my heart but i really hope things will get better and better

In Him

so.... thank you Lord for today la!

Haha merry christmas!

But everything will be better

This is another new church for me!
FCBC
And i met some new people today and saw some from NYPBB omy
I dont like the awkwardness lol

But things are quite okay la
Just.....
Just...
Is like u peeling off each layer off slowly
And then each layer u peeled u saw things become more complicated 

It's beyond what I could understand

But you just cant let it be there, 

Youcan't

#behappy

I finally realize what's keeping me away
it's so diffficult to make such choice because i never know i could be so prideful
If i gotta choose between it
Well, you gotta ask yourself
Imagine ten years later, which one will u not regret for not choosing it?
U know the answer
But just so prideful to let everything go

我好想回家 想玩dota

我想待在房间里画画 想看很多video
想发呆 想静静地看电影  想好好地看书
想看报纸 想睡到天荒地老 想在床上滚来滚去 想吃Secret Recipe Domino pizza 鱼丸面 beng he
想。。写日记 包礼物 写信做礼物哈哈

这是不是典型的 introvert！
其实我真的好像比较喜欢待在家里
可是不知道为何总是感觉很少在家

还有想跟我妈妈讲话 想kacau我爸爸 想一起看电视
想跟狗玩TT 想踏脚车 想看到我家的草地 想冲热水澡冲久久 想自由进出家门
想在家没有束缚地跳来跳去
想驾车 想兜风 想看很多青青的树

好想回家。。

想玩dota
去麦当劳试试运气吧哈哈哈

掰掰

Mind blown

Now I understand why khor eening is so excited after watching inception
Because that movie is so damn .... AMAZING!

lol it's reallly rare to have a nearly three hour movie without feeling bore in between it
Even interstellar have some parts which i felt bored

Walao the director really is damn chio
I wonder how his brain functions lol
Although got some parts which i am quite confused especially the last limbo part the 4th stage they got into and the ending
then after i knew what he really mean to show us my mind wowed again
But then if really have to be that specific for the truth, it really kind of doesn't make sense if its still a dream at the last part lo, and i do really think the director do want the last scene to be a reality, because it's stated there have two sets of kids casts, younger and older
And so i believe the top will eventually drop after the scene ends
Hahaha

Actually the discussion will be neverending because there's too much possibilities due to the ambiguous ending!

But the main purpose of that scene is still that HE DOESNT CARE ANYMORE
he had confronted his subconcious about his wife and waking himself up from the limbo and because he knows the most important thing is waiting for him! The kids!

Gosh, just like me, i need to draw myself out from the movie which is just like a dream for me and come back to reality because i know there's an important test waiting for me in less than 10 hours time.

Gute nacht!

It'sokay

........
我觉得我需要更勇敢 更坚强 更努力

有些时间是让你难过 沮丧 累 埋怨的

但消极也有它的时限  时间到了！
你知道必须结束 请爬起来 继续用最正面的力量 往前走！
加油！

It's okay, everything will turn out fine！

Wahh 突然间翻到的旧照！
其实我真的觉得好像在看不懂谁的照片哈哈哈哈

太

不像了

好像在等我的死期到这样

到底是做了什么孽。。

Sophisticated

Walao Meryl Streep is so beautiful ad elegant, and guess what, she is 65 this year!

Omy, i just watched the devil wears prada and i am so obsess with this "devil" in it!

Haha goodnight!
I love exam weeks! No school tomorrow hahaha
Nice movie!

Forward from 几个月前写的的自己

每一天一点一滴的事情
的感受 的决定 的举动 的想法
通过时间都会慢慢地把你带到一个方向去

而当有一天你惊觉什么时候变成那样的时候
蓦然回首过去
才发现  一切都已经回不去了
才发现  每一天一点一滴的积累是多么巨大的力量

时间老人 无法带你回到过去
你必须前进
因为没有选择

但这一次 请慎重选择每一天的节奏(lol)
我是认真的！

气死我

This is deputy prime minister!

副总理也！就是李显龙的下面一个 

未来的总理？

你看！那么难得的照片 要放 insta 也不行！

别的不要紧 可是这个几难得勒 TT

Grr already blurred le

Nvm at least 

收藏

在这里

We are on the straits time!

#三八

今天被 auntie 教训了一下子
然后变成谈天
谈到一半  电视机开着播新闻
突然间看到！
诶  那只鳄鱼和海马不是下午彩的壁画吗
Lol
天啊！哈哈哈 好好笑 就这样第一次上电视也！
然后还播出我们和副总理合照的画面
哇老 我的头被挡着了！气死我
过后那个 pasir ris mrt 的表演 也被播了出来！真是好惊喜！他们只说会上报纸 没说新闻会播出
然后画面拍了全场的人 lol spot 到我的瞬间直接开心哈哈虽然是那几秒
指着我的头很大声跟auntie uncle说 我在这里！完全忘了刚被骂的事
哈哈哈 auntie讲 你坐酱后面谁看得到

然后我就跟她说如果我知道要上电视我就坐第一排啦！

Lol 哈哈哈哈 好好玩！
请谅解我第一次很兴奋的心情！

哈哈哈哈 睡觉啦！

我喜欢小新

It's enough!
God provided New environment for me but why am I still dealing with old bad habits?

江山易改 本性难移?

It's time to get overover this shit of obstacle and say...yea!
9s!

#Exodus不好看！#wobuxihuan

Tmr is the painting project day! XD
Tmr tmr tmr is common test day!! DX

如果你可以了解

好希望可以很勇敢地说

就算要让你失望 也想告诉你我不是你心目中的那个好孩子 而是那个你不喜欢的反义词

可是没有这种勇气

曾经尝试表现过 但是因为太害怕被拒绝 所以又回到了虚伪好孩子面具下

可是好累好累 所以找了条捷径
向骆驼姐姐学来的
就是把头埋起来 逃避一切现实

对不起 你喜欢的都是假象

而我

只想要好好守护着快乐

Say you Love me

Lol my whatsapp is so quiet because everyone had gone to esp and i dont even have to bother to check my hp every few...hours?  Sometimes minutes la hahaha

This two weeks are exam week
The fact is that i already taken an exam today
Which is damn freaking difficult lol

That's not what i want to said
Well i just want to tell everyone and myself to love yourself
Not that kind of selfish love but to 自爱自重

I have been telling some friends out there about this here and there

But funny thing is that is it that i have 健忘症
i dont even really love myself
Starts from appearance like my nose and FOREHEAD!!! sometimes ears 副乳 arms.....
Sometimes own characteristics like why am i like this like that not as smart like xxx not as funny like xxx not as confident as xxx not as real as xxx not as pure as xxx lol...
Sometimes the personal traits
Sometimes my background
And constantly feeling that everyone is doing better than me
Ya i know this feeling sucks SUCKS TERRIBLY if u ever felt it u know how bad it could make u feel
Ya is more or less because of stupid comparisons made but more often is that, i never really truly accept who i am, LOVE the way I am, accept and love all the flaws and imperfections

I dont know what i am doing all the time
What i have now i really should love and be thankful for, my life, my family, my friends around me
He always know what's the best for me, but still i yearn for something that i might not be suitable with

Be thankful and LOVE what he gave and is going to give me
everything will work out for the best!

It's difficult to do but essential and important to

You know the song "all of me" by John legend
Dedicate the song from you to yourself!
"Cause all of me, loves all of you!"
Hahhaa like.... schizophrenia

I have been struggling till this far to stay and be who i am
To be yourself
To accept yourself
But forget one thing that's  important,
without LOVE, how can i truly be and accept who i am?

Diary 2

Thanks to anqi! I manage to get cheappo shoes at the warehouse sales! Hohoho but it's really damn crowded that at alot of moments u cant even move! Lol serious!

And then she went home earlier because want to prepare for an event which like so secretive never want to tell me what event... but nvm!haha because she invited me to the sale!

Then i alone lazy go home because going to orchard again at night so i decided to go to singapore national museum which is very random but i do like to visit museums!
It's quite interesting leh! Like alot of those stuffs stated in sejarah before!
Why they never really promote their museum ah!
when i ask singaporeans about attractions in singapore, they comfirm tell u Sentosa one, and never tell u about the museums!

ANd because i am alone i can take as much time as i can hahaha
And inside alot angmos tourist and i really think their museum is cool
Small but have alot of creative ideas and details here and there!

I think is more interesting than USS leh! Lol just kidding

Then i went to orchard lo
I think all the lightings and deco are really beautiful la!
And today is quite special because they have official performances
But hor, i found out alot of people always very kotak to clap their hands one leh
Then明明台上很 high 很有节奏 the performers are doing their best to entertain us
Alot of people standing around and watching but alot of them are not clapping their hands when they are suppose to but only 木头ing
然后都面无表情
Dont you think it's weird?
Maybe they have seen too much of these or what idk

Lol and alot of photos were taken hohoho
Henxiang change profile pic although i dont really use fb hahaa
But it's in jingying hp!
And jiaxian drank abottle of juice and got drunked! hahaha
Omg i have dreamed this 场景 before!

Okay goodnight!
TGIS! Tmr neeed to slap my face to wake up monday got test leh!

Japanese

The worker there ask me to take like this say it's very nice but i hope he 知道我电话能力有限。。

Japanese

Kelian de hornbills..

See? Descendent of Alexander the Great leh!

Then the wayang there said A.t.G. could be descendant of Kind Solomon leh! And king Solomon is Kind David's son! sounds really damn cool!

"Hello,we are fresh sardines!"

Diary1

Jamien is a cute and shy boy haha but just now he told me that he is going to sea aquarium tomorrow haha that means he is trying to tell me more about him!

But little boy, i do wish to be your good friend but still i have to keep on remind myself of my responsibility to you! And that's tiring!
But the real pattern of mine might let you step on my head and I dont want to repeat the same mistake that i did last time
So this time i have to fulfil my responsibility!
Jiayou! SOmetimes cannot be that 随性 哈
Lol not only he needs improvement but me too!!

Yes every friday there's a time in this bus of me wandering around half of singapore just because i am too lazy to travel by mrt because of lazy to walk to stand to squeeze!

There u go! 独家自拍照！

Damn it !
my double chin 重见天日 again! Argh

See?!

Broad broad sky which i have not seen in such a while…!

Gomehnasai and sarangheyo

Today i went to orchard!
Miss Joyce invited us to go mandarin gallery for painting
it's a something like an annual retreat like that la
It's a cafe and u can draw there
i was so keen to go  there because! This type of 油画 i always wish to have a chance to paint but the acrylic paint is very expensive!
Whahaha finally i have this chance!
And being invited means it's free!
and also the canvas it's provided there so does every equipment needed
Hoho

I felt so happy to paint there although the time is not really enough! see the feets of the dog is so ugly! So does the background!
But anw, it's still manage to be a cute dog wahaha

I don know why i choose to paint the dog
I think just simply because it's cute
But then after i finished it it kinds of remind me Johnnie TT

The time when he was dying i keep on telling myself he is going to die be prepared okay even he died you have prepare yourself well so you wont feel sad just 算了 
就算它病了你也有责任
但算了 不要再 guilty 了
它只是一条狗！

But after he died...
Yeah when i received the news i was damn calm
I still rmb that time with jiachyi and tricia there in jusco bukit indah
And it's kind of relieve too
Dont have to see him struggle everytime
Dont have to see him suffer anymore
And i kind of forget it during my shopping hour in b.i.

But the moment i went home
The first day
There's no sign of a chocolate chocolate thing wander around my house

And then a few more days i realize there's noone gonna be wagging its tail when u are back
And everynight there's no more sound of it's 铃铃铃  chains around its neck
回家时少了点期待
夜晚变得格外宁静
你才发现 它真的不会回来了

你才发现 它才不只是一条狗

它已经成为家里的一份子了！

就算过了两年 从新加坡回去的时候
还会想像下车时也许会有个笨蛋扑过来 一直学人站立 把车都刮花了 然后可以摸摸它柔软的毛发
还有看着秋千上躺着很懒散的你
然后有时候笨到转来转去直到被链子困着无法动弹 哈哈哈哈

可是那些都只是回忆

然后开始想到以前放学回家它总是第一个迎接你的人
还有每次晚上放狗时间 它那兴奋的模样 尾巴毛茸茸的跟公鸡的尾巴很像 啊啊  好可爱！

你很乖啦
有时候不小心 放你跑出去
都很怕你离家出走
但你不像以前那些狗一样 玩一整天才回家
你最多 最多 也是 一个小时 就回来了！
哈哈 笨到要死 要玩就玩久一点吗 那么顾家干嘛 难得的机会勒 爸爸都不让你出去！

真是的 你应该deserve 更好的主人啊
下雨了有时没人在家
你也很可怜地淋了一身雨
但还好都没事 回到家依然把尾巴摇得很用力哈哈哈

你一直都是很凶猛的样子 但还是有软弱的时候比如新年时的烟火 听了七年还是害怕哈哈 我已经很尽量帮你遮耳朵叫你不要怕

可是你的耳朵天生就放大比人类高出三十倍的声音 我有什么办法！

Hmm

很抱歉 感觉到你不对劲了 还一直骗自己 你不久就会好的 然后出国还把你一个人丢在家  在外头每一天 都有祷告
希望你可以健康在家 回家还能看见你
回到家时看到你 是多大的庆幸

但还是对不起啊 我应该坚决让妈妈爸爸想办法把你安顿好的
应该坚决让爸爸去找兽医
应该告诉他们 就算多贵 我可以帮忙付
对不起。。 当时还不会驾车 没有办法带你去看医生 对不起 真的对不起
让你在我们家 受那么多苦

谢谢你 就算生病了  我们一家出国一到家时 还可以冲过来迎接我们
就算勉强拖着病了的身子 还要让我们微笑
我以为。。那时你那么活跃 应该是好了
可是过不了多久 你开始越来越没力
东西也不吃

最后一个傍晚 兽医终于来了
给你喷了药 你很听话 很乖 让它好好诊治你 可是他说。。。你病重了 有点太迟了 不想相信 所以跟你说了很多打气的话

一直叫你相信自己一定会好起来 但话是我说的 而苦却是你一个人受 你已经尽力了 对不起啊。。

那晚 你根本无法动弹 已经好几天没吃东西 已经够瘦了现在根本皮包骨 躺在后面
跟你又说了很多激励的话 你的眼睛好美 好圆 好纯真 好善良 好可爱  好想陪你一整夜  好想帮你赶一整夜的苍蝇 好想让你进屋里（虽然不可能） 好想好好抱你
可是只呆到十点
真的很怕看到你那瘦弱的样子

你在我们家的最后一天 那天一早 我出去拿衣服 结果你竟然站起来！走到我身边  哇！我好开心！病情好转了！你会好起来的！ 摸了摸你的头 跟你说 我赶时间要去新山 要好好修养 等我回来哦
带着比较放心的心情去bukit indah
然后忘了要帮妈妈买什么 打回家结果 二姐听电话 跟我说。。你走了
妈妈还交代二姐不要告诉我
但我超级冷静哈哈 可能因为之前有一直要自己做好准备

但过后突然间  当我发现 你早上的举动 不是你好了 而其实是想跟我道别
那么辛苦用仅存的力气走过来对我摇尾巴
而我却不以为意 还因为赶时间没有好好地跟你说再见
。。。。
为什么要这样善良 为什么你不恨我们不给你看病呢 为什么还要跟我道别
你知道我有多愧疚吗

回家后 姐姐跟我说 你还很厉害 还可以拖着超级无力的身子 用剩下的力气从后面走到家前的花园 躺在树荫下 安然睡去 仿佛是为自己找墓位
爸爸很忧伤 连妈妈这超铁的都觉得难过 以前的狗从来不会这样
对不起啊 无法把你葬在你选的那个位子
爸爸把你载到别边去埋葬了
然后还特地绕了一个小时的路程 说是要带你去 bok bok xiu 哈哈
因为你很喜欢到处跑嘛 可是我们都不让你 说是要了你心愿啊
是啊 可是都死了 有何意义

对不起啊 还没有帮你找到老婆  你就走了。。

真的

我们真的亏欠你很多
可是你都不计较 哈哈哈 也没有离家出走

你真的好勇敢 好坚强 你尽力了
我真的为你感到很骄傲
这些values 我倒该好好像你学习啊！

你在我们家的七年里
很乖 晚上没有跟以前的狗一样乱乱吵 很讨人喜欢
很可怜很瘦 却不埋怨（没有汪汪叫对我们吠） 哈哈
连妈妈都喜欢你你知道吗 哈哈
很聪明
有你在很有安全感 因为你会很尽责地吠陌生人

还有 真的很对不起
我们没有好好对你
没有让你出去
对不起 不是不要带你 是因为。。以前的狗都在外面染病然后死掉
怕你也会这样
但我们还是应该带你去散步的
可是因为从小没有这种习惯 所以你每次不听话
太多的亏欠 你却还是依然好好守护着我们

谢谢你的出生 你的出现
谢谢你被逼来到我们的家
谢谢你每次被逼听我讲一大堆不懂要跟谁讲的话
谢谢你晚上睡在门口隔壁 很尽责地看家
谢谢你让我很期待回家 因为有你迎接我啊！
谢谢你的毛那么软
还有那么可爱
谢谢你那么天真 那么善良
谢谢你每次头歪歪这样 带给我们很多无辜又纯真的快乐
谢谢你在我很闷的时候当我的玩具哈哈  还有不介意很忙的时候把你踢到一边
谢谢你在生病时还那么坚强。。 教会我勇敢 不放弃的精神
谢谢你。。不介意我们的理所当然！

你知道七年习惯的可怕吗！？
直到现在 还是很希望你还在。。

我的家人与朋友合并的小妮妮！（他叫 johnnie 昵称 nini)
不管怎样 我始终相信 你会在天堂
无病无痛单纯尽情地快乐！

嘿嘿 这个小处男 应该找到老婆了吧？ 哈哈

Goodnight my dearest,
Please remember to treasure the important ones around you!
It's hard to keep this in Mind every moment but do remind yourself this every once in a while!

Sorry, and I love you nienie!
不在乎天长地久 只在乎曾经拥有 xD

Lol
好了  看一下照片啦！
orchard 好漂亮！ 很多很chio 的表演
还没有冲凉收衣服!
明天眼睛不要太肿就好