Love

This world is too bloody and old

and I am such a tiny little weak branch

How am I going to live without my big tree trunk?

No matter big or small matters
痛苦都是最真的

And I used to
try to be strong
Try To stand alone
Try to depend on myself!!

I thought I can!!
Yes I can of course
We are always stronger than we thought!

I became stronger as what people define as learned not to cry
Learned how to ignore
Learned how to deal with it
Wow
Yes learning was always challenging!!

But the hurtful memories haunts in an unusual way
后遗症
For me la it's like I started to build walls
Started to feel numb
And Never ever believed anything
And this doesn't made me a happier person either
Argh

Ya lo i always thought Time will 'flush out' a lot of things
But the 后遗症 really last damn long
一点一点累积下来的
And it's so damn hard to get rid of it

I dont want to grow up like this, don't want TT

So I seek tree trunk when I had nothing else
He hugged and bring me back to His arms
Yet I was stubborn, I refuse
I chose not to believe
I thought that's all my imagination

But He's more amazing than what I thought
His power came, fiercely smashed me and broke things down
How can I choose not to believe
I had to believe

I do have a choice
But if I choose not to believe
Then I am lying to myself !!!!

And I hope so badly u might feel the same
Because it 's never the same again
Because I treasure you so much
And i love you!!!!
Plus.. I really understand how u felt now
Don't depend on worldly things
They fade away!!
靠山山会倒 靠人人会跑
靠自己会有后遗症!
Hahaha

The most important thing in this world is love
And it can be grouped into many
Including That typical type of 'love' most people is crazy about
And Friend's love,
family's' love.....

Most of the time
People never had enough of it
People are hunger for it
So they search for it from different sources

But tree trunk is the real source of love
He will filled the the emptiness
The part which never can be fulfilled in real world and life
How will they see and understand?

saying about these kind of things

Just shared to someone about this
But no, that 'someone' Don't understand and I kinda feel sad
Ya bo bian also.. That 'someone' doesn't understand!!!
i also very wish not to say but Whenever I see the problems you faced
I always think of God you tahu ke tak?!
How will you understand?
He is there , the real source of everything
Whatever you're lack of can find in Him
All you have to do is stop being stubborn and believe

Maybe one day you will understand
Hopefully..
I so hope u can feel Him!! Then u understand how I felt!!!!! Oh yeah!!!

Oh !!!And if I saw someone wrote these type of things I will judge that guy as very christian and holy
But don't judge me as that so stressful!
I say so because
I can see the expectations in people after the camp!!!!!!!
I really scare of letting people down
And now
I don't want because of scare to let people down and not being who I am
As I don't want to live in people's expectation either

But only God's!
I am on the journey like everyone else!!!!!!!!
Don't think too muchd!
Just to prevent from letting yourself down.. Hehe
I am still imperfect and have plenty of flaws and will feel sad and stress!!

I just try to share what I feel about it!!!!

Especially after the conversation just now...
I was quite serious about it though u might not think the same!!!!

Never mind!!!
I will pray for every single one of you
Because I do care so much about you TT

Just if you ever feel so down and weary
Please remember
The big tree trunk,
God is there !!!

U might think this is palia or very 烦  whatever it's okay because I used to think that also before lol
Or perhaps brainwashing ?!
Okay I do wish I had that power!!
Although i think Christianity is not brainwashing
But It really still did some washing too!!
Yeah, and it's HEARTWASHING!!!!
XD

Photo from Eric insta!