Ranting about inability to move forward

真正的坚强是不是都不撒娇

不是要逞强

只是想变得更好

可是每次宁愿拿那个精力时间在撒娇依赖转移注意力 都不要面对自己

是不是因为那样比较舒服 比较容易 

因为面对自己好累 好难

可是用依靠当逃避只会就越来越小花啊

很矛盾 

但习惯模糊了一切原本对自己重要的基础

I want to be a strong & confident woman that knows what she is doing with her life.

But I am practicing a comfortable dependent life running away from my own conflict.

Discipline is what I need the most. Prayer, meditation, and support are essential, I know.

But I choose otherwise!!

I can't even raise my hand to ask a question today. I don't know about others but this really bothers me a lot! It's not just about the 5 marks.  it's about dealing with the fear of being judged! I just want to step one step ahead of my comfort zone. I want to do what I want to do. I have a lot of things that I want to work on and improve on but I just keep on running away. Babiiiii really. I keep on saying I am sad I am sad, but no, actually I am just angry with myself. 

12.15am 

Stop wishing, starts doing

I kind of believe that this Uni life can push me and shape me into a better self. But the thing is I also have to allow myself to be shaped .

It's so hard to not to rush to fit in when u are all alone. It's so hard to let go of the insecurities. You know you shouldn't be bother by those insignificant overly sensitive feelings that doesn't really matters. Its so hard to stay true to yourself with people around you.It's just so hard!!!

I am not sad.. I am just so frustrated!

What can I say in this late night?

forget about all these...

and sleep!

Maybe it's a sign of improving when you are feeling uncomfortable and uneasy.

Ya, maybe