亲爱的你
心情只是一瞬间的事
好和坏很多时候不过是一念之差
愿你不再被情绪左右
愿你分得清内心的向往
愿你的面具不会成为心灵的枷锁
愿你流完泪水可以重拾勇气面对希望
结局不过是另一个开场
我只想你好好活着
心情只是一瞬间的事
好和坏很多时候不过是一念之差
愿你不再被情绪左右
愿你分得清内心的向往
愿你的面具不会成为心灵的枷锁
愿你流完泪水可以重拾勇气面对希望
结局不过是另一个开场
我只想你好好活着
Thursday, February 21, 2019
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
小小散步心得
it's been a long while since I updated my blog ever since I started to use instagram to record 一些小心得
okay, I have a niece now, sometimes I like to guess what she is thinking
Since a lot of things are first time for her, she gets the first hand experience to the world
How she sees the world might be very different from "adult" like us.
She can't speak yet, and might not understand fully with our verbal expression yet,
so her view is more original, more unrefined than us.
I read today somewhere that "小孩子的世界是快乐的，因为他们每天都接触不同的事"
yeah I kind of agree with that statement.
Everything is new and special to them. But if you constantly show her something, she gets bored too. Like how she used to laugh to the song "一只哈巴狗”, now she don't really feel impressed by that song anymore.
I guess it's human nature to lose interest in something after repeating it for times.
After we stepped into primary school, everyday is kind of the same to us. Eventually, we lose interest in the everyday life. Then comes in the influence of social media. We are spoon fed by instant happiness or excitement that social media or games brings to us, maybe partly because things are always changing in that "world".
I was a little sien today because of some little personal issue with people??
And it just feels so empty staying alone in my room, but I do not want to hang out with anyone, it's a dilemma, you kind of just want to be alone but then you feel lonely.
And previously few days ago, I listened to cai kang yong qing shang ke and li ke tai tai, sometimes quotes that you have heard or seen just pop out of your mind.
I remembered cky talked about 空虚,花手机，不愿面对，拖延 blah blah blah
so I just stopped youtubing and started to work out
but still, no, it doesn't help. I think I need to go out for a jog and a walk
So I went to my favourite place which is just behind where I stay.
蓝天青树and jog and walk for a while alone. It is the best time of my day, actually always the best moment in my period in NUS until now.
The sky, the trees, everything is so amazing. I never notice the variation of the tree bark until I start to tell myself of not thinking anything, about anyone, just focus AT THAT MOMENT.
Simple things like tree barks, can be so amusing. I think bibao will agree on me with that. Because it's really pretty.
And I realize they are like our dead skin, they dropped and left a smoother surface on the trunk.
Every single tree has different tree bark pattern, a little bit of red spot, white spot, grey spot, here and there. Some trees look whiter, some darker, some look like they have "aging spot", some got red spot and if to resemblance to a human being, i would say it is just like it has freckles all over the place..
They are so neatly arranged by the road side, so I start to wonder if they are friends? or family? (Since they are same species)
Or do they have discrimination towards each other? or do they have things like "white privilege", racism based on colors, despise ugly trunks, or do they even have the same aesthetic value like us??
After thinking all these "crazy or rubbish idea(0 financial value)", I feel so refresh kekekke
I just feel so happy to just be here and alive. and thankful for all these creation by God (or whoever third powerful party you believe in)
It's just so wonderful, they are so humble yet significant creation, and overlooked by me all the time.
The leaf colors have different shades of green, and it was shiny when the sunshine falls on them.
The sky are super blue and white clouds all over, I think blue and green of the nature are the best match.
Then I walked into a small garden with water feature just by the roadside, yet its the first time I spotted it although I have been walking to and fro for so many times!!!
How could I????
There is noone there, but somehow my legs just got attracted to the place.. So I walked in and I startled a monitor lizard, and it scared me back lol
First time I was so close to a monitor lizard!!! But I got no phone with me to capture that moment urghhhh!!!!!!!!
The monitor lizard was huge and slide away while shaking its booty. hmm, scary and cute at the same time.
Then I just try to spot some fishes inside the pond and then go back to my room start to write down
how I feel right at that moment.
There's NOT a lot of moment like this, where you just stay with yourself with no distraction, appreciate things and feel grateful. Maybe last time I feel this was probably during my Bali trip!!
Because most of the time, just drowning with negativity.... (快乐的笨珍时光除外）
so just in case, whenever I feel sad or depress i can read back again. Sometimes later.
And wish my niece can retain her curiosity to the world, because it's our nature, but Somehow Somewhere Sometime Someday, it disappeared???
then, boredom to death.
and actually, it's true for what I read earlier in the morning, that everyday is different, even slightest different is different. It's different in many ways, just I don't see it.
So have to add in one more reminder for myself.
and off for dinner.
and... and... and..用英文真的好难表达 hehehhe but cannot la i must practice a bit lo
okay, I have a niece now, sometimes I like to guess what she is thinking
Since a lot of things are first time for her, she gets the first hand experience to the world
How she sees the world might be very different from "adult" like us.
She can't speak yet, and might not understand fully with our verbal expression yet,
so her view is more original, more unrefined than us.
I read today somewhere that "小孩子的世界是快乐的，因为他们每天都接触不同的事"
yeah I kind of agree with that statement.
Everything is new and special to them. But if you constantly show her something, she gets bored too. Like how she used to laugh to the song "一只哈巴狗”, now she don't really feel impressed by that song anymore.
I guess it's human nature to lose interest in something after repeating it for times.
After we stepped into primary school, everyday is kind of the same to us. Eventually, we lose interest in the everyday life. Then comes in the influence of social media. We are spoon fed by instant happiness or excitement that social media or games brings to us, maybe partly because things are always changing in that "world".
I was a little sien today because of some little personal issue with people??
And it just feels so empty staying alone in my room, but I do not want to hang out with anyone, it's a dilemma, you kind of just want to be alone but then you feel lonely.
And previously few days ago, I listened to cai kang yong qing shang ke and li ke tai tai, sometimes quotes that you have heard or seen just pop out of your mind.
I remembered cky talked about 空虚,花手机，不愿面对，拖延 blah blah blah
so I just stopped youtubing and started to work out
but still, no, it doesn't help. I think I need to go out for a jog and a walk
So I went to my favourite place which is just behind where I stay.
蓝天青树and jog and walk for a while alone. It is the best time of my day, actually always the best moment in my period in NUS until now.
The sky, the trees, everything is so amazing. I never notice the variation of the tree bark until I start to tell myself of not thinking anything, about anyone, just focus AT THAT MOMENT.
Simple things like tree barks, can be so amusing. I think bibao will agree on me with that. Because it's really pretty.
And I realize they are like our dead skin, they dropped and left a smoother surface on the trunk.
Every single tree has different tree bark pattern, a little bit of red spot, white spot, grey spot, here and there. Some trees look whiter, some darker, some look like they have "aging spot", some got red spot and if to resemblance to a human being, i would say it is just like it has freckles all over the place..
They are so neatly arranged by the road side, so I start to wonder if they are friends? or family? (Since they are same species)
Or do they have discrimination towards each other? or do they have things like "white privilege", racism based on colors, despise ugly trunks, or do they even have the same aesthetic value like us??
After thinking all these "crazy or rubbish idea(0 financial value)", I feel so refresh kekekke
I just feel so happy to just be here and alive. and thankful for all these creation by God (or whoever third powerful party you believe in)
It's just so wonderful, they are so humble yet significant creation, and overlooked by me all the time.
The leaf colors have different shades of green, and it was shiny when the sunshine falls on them.
The sky are super blue and white clouds all over, I think blue and green of the nature are the best match.
Then I walked into a small garden with water feature just by the roadside, yet its the first time I spotted it although I have been walking to and fro for so many times!!!
How could I????
There is noone there, but somehow my legs just got attracted to the place.. So I walked in and I startled a monitor lizard, and it scared me back lol
First time I was so close to a monitor lizard!!! But I got no phone with me to capture that moment urghhhh!!!!!!!!
The monitor lizard was huge and slide away while shaking its booty. hmm, scary and cute at the same time.
Then I just try to spot some fishes inside the pond and then go back to my room start to write down
how I feel right at that moment.
There's NOT a lot of moment like this, where you just stay with yourself with no distraction, appreciate things and feel grateful. Maybe last time I feel this was probably during my Bali trip!!
Because most of the time, just drowning with negativity.... (快乐的笨珍时光除外）
so just in case, whenever I feel sad or depress i can read back again. Sometimes later.
And wish my niece can retain her curiosity to the world, because it's our nature, but Somehow Somewhere Sometime Someday, it disappeared???
then, boredom to death.
and actually, it's true for what I read earlier in the morning, that everyday is different, even slightest different is different. It's different in many ways, just I don't see it.
So have to add in one more reminder for myself.
and off for dinner.
and... and... and..用英文真的好难表达 hehehhe but cannot la i must practice a bit lo
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
War
我怎么能那么没用
一个小小的东西都可以做一个晚上
只要一开学遍体凌伤的季节又来了
从小到大从来没有受过这种压力
我真的是太看得起自己才会把自己搞来来这里吧
谦虚 包容 努力 乐观 ？what? Where?
然而现在连自己的account 都不安全了
谁等着看你过得不好
谁又以为你过得很好
谁等着拿你来比较
谁？
你自己何尝也不是呢？！
冰山一角的另一边
是你永远看不到的黑暗
别人娇滴温室又与你有何关系
没心情也真的没力气去消耗无关紧要的事
很累 很累 很累 又有谁可以信得过
每一天都是一场战争
只希望我的身体plus 心理挺得过去
走到这里
还是要感谢很多人与事 感谢黄明志的歌的力量 (yes some are idiotic still can’t admit some are powerful songs)
Year 2 sem 1 Week four, eight more weeks to go
As for life? I don’t know.
Saturday, August 11, 2018
not the love yourself by jb
I just want to write something
why is it so hard to love yourself
why is it so hard to let go of the idea of somebody else
why is it just so hard to not compare yourself with someone else
why is it so difficult to truly love, every part of yourself,
be proud of yourself,
proud of your flaws,
proud of your looks, wrinkles that you hated, a nose that is round and big,
big forehead, pointy ears etc etc
I believe in the beauty within is more important,
I believe that your inner self can be the most powerful weapon to fight this world,
but it's broken inside,
everything outside is a lie,
Smiley face,
Hate and desperation inside
you dislike yourself
you feel unconfident, uncomfortable, stressed out by people's opinion
You need confirmation from others,
your happiness is dependent on someone else,
is not from within
you need someone to love you in order to love yourself,
you need God, need parents, need a lover, need friends to love you before you can learn to love yourself
Isn't it should be the other way round?
It's blessed to have people to love you,
but what about yourself?
why are u hating yourself so much
all the hates, the discouragement, the disagreement comes from the outside,
it stays within
deeply
Love yourself first before you love others
小学道德教育教了 人要懂得自爱 先爱自己才懂得如何爱别人
It's not about self-indulgence, its the recognition and acceptance of your true-being
but it's so hard
how could it be any easier?
but whatever it happens
it's okay, 至少还有自己
why is it so hard to love yourself
why is it so hard to let go of the idea of somebody else
why is it just so hard to not compare yourself with someone else
why is it so difficult to truly love, every part of yourself,
be proud of yourself,
proud of your flaws,
proud of your looks, wrinkles that you hated, a nose that is round and big,
big forehead, pointy ears etc etc
I believe in the beauty within is more important,
I believe that your inner self can be the most powerful weapon to fight this world,
but it's broken inside,
everything outside is a lie,
Smiley face,
Hate and desperation inside
you dislike yourself
you feel unconfident, uncomfortable, stressed out by people's opinion
You need confirmation from others,
your happiness is dependent on someone else,
is not from within
you need someone to love you in order to love yourself,
you need God, need parents, need a lover, need friends to love you before you can learn to love yourself
Isn't it should be the other way round?
It's blessed to have people to love you,
but what about yourself?
why are u hating yourself so much
all the hates, the discouragement, the disagreement comes from the outside,
it stays within
deeply
Love yourself first before you love others
小学道德教育教了 人要懂得自爱 先爱自己才懂得如何爱别人
It's not about self-indulgence, its the recognition and acceptance of your true-being
but it's so hard
how could it be any easier?
but whatever it happens
it's okay, 至少还有自己
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
illogical update but not entirely
It's been a while.
请允许我很随性地写
虽然星期五考英文 但我还是觉得母语比较好表达
今天 是Port folio Submission
就是这整个Semester 告一段落的日子
我的Tutor NSS, 能跟着他真的很荣幸
虽然有些日子快被他逼疯了
但真的学到很多
他刚才问我对他有什么Feedback
我真的没有什么怨言 但是很想说嗯...你偏心啊 哈哈
就他特别喜欢两个男生
可是对我们所有人都很好啦 尤其是每次One by one Feedback的时候
而且我很欣赏他对Architecture的热忱
其实我没什么要说的
只是觉的好累 就随便更更
过了一年 我还是好累 好挫败
虽然比上个学期好很多
但我仍觉得自己很多不足之处
当然 我知道人不可能完美
只是觉得自己可以做得更好很多很多
因为很多时候 唉 不知道怎么说
而且突然觉得 "I am not enough" 这个东西
我觉得并不完全不好吧
要是觉得自己Enough 对于我而言 就不会有想改进的念头
Not enough 可以是推动力
但是往往Not enough 的主要来源都是因为互相攀比
比较很累 很累 很累 （像我现在这样）
但没了比较 知足真的长乐吗
知足确实快乐
可是温水煮青蛙 和 知足常乐 到底差别何在
像我这种一级懒人 我想我必须需要一个永远不够好的推动力
不然怎么知道自己可以多好？
是个再循环吧 一直觉得自己不够好 然后躲着安慰自己
recharge
然后再努力
I am not enough >> sad >> recharge >> continue to work hard
总好过赖在那里安于现状什么都不做吧
至少我现在目前的情况 还不适合做个安逸的兔子
为什么是兔子？我也不知道 也许答案就在”逸“这个字
其实说起来很矛盾
不满足现状的我 又恰恰很希望时间停留在此
不希望父母老去 喜欢现在在乎的人都在身边的感觉
害怕太拼命去争取的同时会不小心遗忘了什么
？？？？
矛盾总是消耗精力的
还有一个令人特别羡慕NSS的地方就是
他好像老是精力充沛
双眼发亮
谈吐诚恳
让我总觉得我就是个死气沉沉的大妈
Life is so dull
怎么了怎么了
？？！
很想放刚才在巴士上我拍的一张自拍照
看了都不敢相信
我现在长这样！！！！！！
根本说40 都有人信
啊啦啦啦啦啦啦
okay anyway
因为要recharge 所以带来风靡一时的“海草”全版
FULL VERSION真的很好听 听了整个超开心
是我赶工不想干了的时候的曼妙灵丹呀
okay whatsapp web connected
halooo yes 没什么目的 就是来吓你的 要死了的脸
好了我要去冲凉睡觉了
有一个男的站在对面的三楼进不去很可怜 哈哈哈
I will be okay!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry
<3 nbsp="" p="">
"人海啊 茫茫啊 随波逐流 浮浮沉沉
人生啊 如梦啊 亲爱的你 在哪里”
请允许我很随性地写
虽然星期五考英文 但我还是觉得母语比较好表达
今天 是Port folio Submission
就是这整个Semester 告一段落的日子
我的Tutor NSS, 能跟着他真的很荣幸
虽然有些日子快被他逼疯了
但真的学到很多
他刚才问我对他有什么Feedback
我真的没有什么怨言 但是很想说嗯...你偏心啊 哈哈
就他特别喜欢两个男生
可是对我们所有人都很好啦 尤其是每次One by one Feedback的时候
而且我很欣赏他对Architecture的热忱
其实我没什么要说的
只是觉的好累 就随便更更
过了一年 我还是好累 好挫败
虽然比上个学期好很多
但我仍觉得自己很多不足之处
当然 我知道人不可能完美
只是觉得自己可以做得更好很多很多
因为很多时候 唉 不知道怎么说
而且突然觉得 "I am not enough" 这个东西
我觉得并不完全不好吧
要是觉得自己Enough 对于我而言 就不会有想改进的念头
Not enough 可以是推动力
但是往往Not enough 的主要来源都是因为互相攀比
比较很累 很累 很累 （像我现在这样）
但没了比较 知足真的长乐吗
知足确实快乐
可是温水煮青蛙 和 知足常乐 到底差别何在
像我这种一级懒人 我想我必须需要一个永远不够好的推动力
不然怎么知道自己可以多好？
是个再循环吧 一直觉得自己不够好 然后躲着安慰自己
recharge
然后再努力
I am not enough >> sad >> recharge >> continue to work hard
总好过赖在那里安于现状什么都不做吧
至少我现在目前的情况 还不适合做个安逸的兔子
为什么是兔子？我也不知道 也许答案就在”逸“这个字
其实说起来很矛盾
不满足现状的我 又恰恰很希望时间停留在此
不希望父母老去 喜欢现在在乎的人都在身边的感觉
害怕太拼命去争取的同时会不小心遗忘了什么
？？？？
矛盾总是消耗精力的
还有一个令人特别羡慕NSS的地方就是
他好像老是精力充沛
双眼发亮
谈吐诚恳
让我总觉得我就是个死气沉沉的大妈
Life is so dull
怎么了怎么了
？？！
很想放刚才在巴士上我拍的一张自拍照
看了都不敢相信
我现在长这样！！！！！！
根本说40 都有人信
啊啦啦啦啦啦啦
okay anyway
因为要recharge 所以带来风靡一时的“海草”全版
FULL VERSION真的很好听 听了整个超开心
是我赶工不想干了的时候的曼妙灵丹呀
okay whatsapp web connected
halooo yes 没什么目的 就是来吓你的 要死了的脸
好了我要去冲凉睡觉了
有一个男的站在对面的三楼进不去很可怜 哈哈哈
I will be okay!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry
<3 nbsp="" p="">
"人海啊 茫茫啊 随波逐流 浮浮沉沉
人生啊 如梦啊 亲爱的你 在哪里”
THIS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED ON FEBRUARY 13
initially the last post was supposed to be posted on like last December but I have no idea why it wasn’t posted!!
I kind of settle down to this Uni life now
Away from the different world 相处不来 的 people
I am so grateful that I have like real and lovely friends that won’t bitch about people and most importantly GENUINE
It makes me feel so much less suffer to be here
And I am so DAMN grateful as well that we change studio this semester
IT COULDNT BE MUCH BETTER THAN THIS
Is like you realise I could actually make FRIENDS lo hahaha
Why am I posting in English because my English sucks here and everybody is kind of pro
I am so freaking tired right now but I need to express my gratitude as in everything became really well for me, is not like it’s easier, but I am really grateful to know good people , have good tutor, and most importantly!!!! Good studio matessss :)))
I kind of settle down to this Uni life now
Away from the different world 相处不来 的 people
I am so grateful that I have like real and lovely friends that won’t bitch about people and most importantly GENUINE
It makes me feel so much less suffer to be here
And I am so DAMN grateful as well that we change studio this semester
IT COULDNT BE MUCH BETTER THAN THIS
Is like you realise I could actually make FRIENDS lo hahaha
Why am I posting in English because my English sucks here and everybody is kind of pro
I am so freaking tired right now but I need to express my gratitude as in everything became really well for me, is not like it’s easier, but I am really grateful to know good people , have good tutor, and most importantly!!!! Good studio matessss :)))
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